Fade
by yurffles
Summary: After the Millennium Earl has been defeated, the Exorcists must choose new paths for their lives. This fic is set 3 years after the start of the series and is in line with plot points revealed up to chapter 173 in the manga. AllenxLenalee, LavixLenalee
1. Chapter 1

**Notes:** This is my first fic in the DGM fandom. I plan on it being a short, long fic (10-15 chapters?). I was planning to finish this fic entirely before posting. However, when I was forced to rewrite portions of it after chapter 169 (of the manga came out), a friend convinced me otherwise...

**Chapter 1: Life after the Black Order**

'_Innocence Activate.'_

Lenalee wondered if she would ever need to utter those words again. Ironically, there had been a point in her life when she had wished that she had never learned of Akuma and of Innocence, as both had served no purpose but to tear her life apart. But it was over, now; the battle was over. The Noahs had fallen with the Millennium Earl following in suit. For most of the Exorcists, the wounds were still healing. Kanda, however, had fully recovered and had already left the Black Order headquarters muttering something about heading home.

Home. It was a word that Lenalee was not exactly familiar with, at least not in the traditional sense. The Black Order had become her home but probably would not feel like home for much longer. With the Millennium Earl defeated, the Exorcists were no longer bound to headquarters. The Support Services had to stay in order to keep the Black Order running and to act as a preventative measure in order to monitor Akuma activity and locate more Innocence, because there was a school of thought that the Millennium Earl could not be destroyed forever and that he would find a new host and rise again. Although the Exorcists would still remain "on call," connected to headquarters through a golem, it was no longer necessary for them to reside at headquarters.

Lenalee was faced with the possibility of freedom, a luxury that had not been afforded to her since she had been forcibly brought to the Black Order headquarters. She contemplated the idea with playful curiosity, like a cat batting around a ball of yarn. However, she knew she could not leave, at least not now, while her brother was still there and not while most of the other Exorcists still bed-ridden with injuries. Her place was at the headquarters visiting her friends as they recovered and providing a smiling face along with a sympathetic ear.

Pausing outside the door to Allen's room in the medical ward, Lenalee's eyes glassed over as she recalled the final battle. All of them had been hurt, but Allen, in her opinion, had taken the brunt of the damage. Even though Miranda's Time Recovery had been activated at that time, it had not stopped the wounds from appearing or stopped him from feeling the initial attacks. She remembered the sound of his anguished screams, when the Millennium Earl had struck him again and again while he was down, as if it was still happening. The event was recent enough that she could still see every chilling detail etched clearly in her head: Allen's body lying in a pool of his own blood, the red smeared garishly in his hair and across his pale skin. At that moment, she swore that she could smell the copper of his blood so thick that she could taste it in her mouth. The vivid memory caused her stomach to twist unpleasantly and her knees to weaken slightly, and she stumbled lightly into the door. Hands gripping at the smooth surface, she tried to use the object to steady her balance.

"Lenalee?" the voice on the other side called, as upbeat as she had ever heard it.

"Yes," she replied, blinking as she was drawn back into the present. "It's me." She smiled, knowing that he had come to expect - and maybe even look forward to - her daily visits. Pushing the door opened, she stepped in and then quietly shut it behind her.

Upon her entrance, Timcanpy fluttered up from his place by Allen's side. However, the golem soon settled down when it recognized who was at the root of the disturbance. Allen was sitting straight up and seemed very eager. "Did you bring me a snack today?"

She shook her head, holding her empty hands out in an apologetic gesture. "Sorry, I came straight from my brother's lab. You won't believe what he's trying to invent now." She felt a giggle escape her mouth as Allen visibly blanched.

"I really don't want to know, do I?" he asked, his voice sounding a bit weary.

"Hmm, probably not," she said, reaffirming what she knew he was already suspecting. Taking a seat by his bed, she turned to face him so that she could better study how his recovery was progressing.

Allen was now able to move without the risk of reopening any of his wounds. It was an improvement, but much of his body was still bandaged. He turned to look at her, and when he smiled, she saw a youthful innocence in his eyes that hadn't been displayed in quite a while. It rendered her speechless for a moment, as she just studied his face. Bandages covered his forehead with messy tufts of white hair sticking out the wrappings; a big band aid was still on his left cheek, but he looked at her as if nothing was wrong. There was something about the way he was gazing at her with that grin that tugged at her heart, but before she could focus on it, he was speaking.

"Are you still worrying about me?" Allen asked, tilting his head. Lenalee couldn't quite find her tongue, and so he continued to speak. "I told you that I was fine. As long as I'm alive and can eat, there's nothing to be worried about." He made a gesture to show that the lower portion of his face was bandage free. "I can even feed myself again!"

Lenalee could do nothing but stare at the young man in front of her, wondering how he could be so carefree when he was still so badly hurt. Swallowing the thickness that she hadn't realized had already gathered in her throat, she blinked and felt a single tear fall.

"Ehh!' Allen exclaimed. "I didn't mean to make you cry, Lenalee." He waved his hands frantically, as if to try to calm her.

With a shaky sigh, she shook her head and asked in a wavering voice, "How can you be so ... happy? Do you know how close you were to death? Do you realize how close we were to losing you?"

She watched as his cheerful expression sobered, the smile dropping off of his face. "I'm aware," he told her softly. "That's why I am happy ... happy to be alive so that I can move forward from this point."

Lenalee just didn't understand Allen sometimes. There were moments when he seemed so young, but then he would turn around and display ageless wisdom. She dried her eyes with an embarrassed smile. "Of course. Why don't we talk about something else," she suggested.

She could see the relief rush into Allen's eyes. "Okay," he agreed. "Tell me how everyone else is doing."

Biting her lip, she recounted what she could remember. "Kanda has already left headquarters."

"Geh," Allen replied, clearly unenthusiastic.

"Lavi will probably be able to walk again pretty soon. Krory is still confined to the bed, but he's doing better..."

"We got pretty beaten up, didn't we." Although it was a question, Allen said it as a statement.

"But we're all still here. We made it through. That's what's important." She gave him the brightest smile she could muster and laid her hands on top of his.

"The battle was tough on you."

Lenalee blinked, confused at the direction their conversation was taking. Today it was tending to be a lot more introspective than it usually was.

Normally, she would talk about happy days at the Black Order prior to his arrival. Or she would listen to him talk about traveling during his childhood. He would recount many hard to believe (but truthful) tales about the abuses that he had suffered as Cross's student. Once in a while, he would talk about Mana; it was a topic that she was fairly certain he chose not to discuss with many people. With Mana's connection to the Noahs and his own doubt as to Mana's true feelings about him, she knew that Allen felt conflicted about his foster parent. She could tell that part of him felt guilty when he recalled fond memories of someone so close to the Noahs. However, she knew another part of him recounted the good memories in order convince himself of a love and bond that he desperately needed to believe in. She felt lucky that he trusted her enough not to judge him and tried her best to affirm that Mana had loved him for reasons other than being a vessel for the Fourteenth. They never discussed the war; there were too many painful memories. But today, he was being different, and she couldn't figure out why.

"The battle was tough on everybody," she said carefully.

"But on you especially." He disengaged one of his hands from hers. "In here." He put a flattened palm against his chest.

"I don't like to see my friends hurt; I don't like seeing and hearing them tortured." She shook her head, sending her hair flying around her face, and then buried her face in her hands. Why was he being so difficult today? She just didn't understand.

Finally, Allen relented. "I'm sorry, Lenalee." He truly sounded contrite.

Lowering her hands, she dared to look into his eyes and found a gentleman's smile plastered on his face. '_It's fake,'_ she couldn't help herself from thinking. He had wanted to tell her something associated with the battle, but she just couldn't let him, not when she could still see the reminders of its aftermath still clearly evident on his body. It was too soon. "I'm sorry," she said softly, looking down. "It's too soon to talk about it; the memories are still too raw."

"Lenalee, it's just that ..." Allen's eyebrows furrowed, as if he was trying to think of the correct way to say whatever it was he wanted to say.

"What is it, Allen?" she asked, suddenly alarmed. "Is anything wrong?"

"No, no, nothing is wrong. It's just that --"

But Lenalee never got to hear Allen finish his thought, because at that moment, a knock, sharp and proper, interrupted them. Before Allen even had the chance to answer, the door was being pushed open. "General Walker, I need a word with you."

She didn't even have to turn her head to recognize Inspector Link's voice. "Inspector Link," she whispered softly, less than pleased. She looked over and nodded in acknowledgement. "I didn't realize you were still residing at headquarters now that the war is over."

"But of course, Lenalee," the inspector answered, a knowing grin on his face. "Both Inspector Leverrier and I are still here. Actually, he sent me here on official business. You can check with him if you don't believe me."

Lenalee felt herself weaken and knew she would always instinctively fear Leverrier. She felt her palms grow clammy as she cursed her irrational fear.

Allen looked between Link and Lenalee and interjected. "Can't this wait? I'm going to be confined here for quite some time, and I was already busy."

Inspector Link focused his gaze on Lenalee and said clearly, "Inspector Leverrier was quite insistent that I spoke with you now. If you have an issue with it, I can always call him down here to settle things."

With that statement, Lenalee felt a fine tremor spread through her body. Over ten years later, and the mention of Leverrier could still elicit terror from her. She hated herself for being so weak, but she couldn't allow herself a run in. Not with that man. Voice trembling and eyes downcast, she said, "It's alright. I'll come back later."

As Lenalee walked to the door, she could hear Link's steps close in on Allen. The noise stopped and was replaced by the creaking of the chair as the Inspector settled into it. When she finally reached the door, fingertips brushing the cool metal, she couldn't help but look back at Allen to give him some sort of reassurance that she would be back. When her gaze caught his, she took a sharp breath. He had an odd, almost desperate look on his face. She wasn't quite sure how to return that look, and so she averted her eyes, ducked her head, and left the room wondering what Allen was going to say to her and whether she'd get another chance to hear it.

**TBC**

**Final Notes:** Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think. Since this fic is different from what I usually write, I'd really appreciate any feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Growth**

With a heavy sigh, Lenalee shut Allen's door softly hearing it latch behind her. Closing her eyes, she let her head rest back against the door. She could hear voices of the two men conversing inside, but she couldn't make out any words. Link was speaking softly, and Allen's responses, from what Lenalee could make out, were quiet, short, and terse.

Even though her lids were closed, she could still imagine the way Allen had looked at her when she left, as if he had something very important to say. She was wondering if she should have held her ground, braved a chance meeting with Leverrier, and told Link to come back later, if she should have stayed by Allen's side. In some ways she felt like she failed him at that moment, as if she had betrayed him.

After lingering for just a moment longer, she walked away deciding that maybe it was time for her to return to her room to relax and rest her mind. Still, all she could think about was Allen looking at her as if he were at the brink of saying something important. "It's just that… what?" she asked aloud, her mind trying to wrap itself around the enigma.

"It's just that… you're obviously thinking too hard," someone from next to her commented.

Startled, she whirled around to find Lavi supporting himself with a pair of crutches. He had a smile on his face, despite the fact that his left leg was encased in a thick cast that looked as hot, heavy, itchy, and uncomfortable as it probably was. "Lavi, you're on your feet!" she cheered. "That's great news."

"Kind of," he said laughingly. "Gramps is giving me a hard time because I'm going to be out of commission longer than he is."

"I'm just so glad that everyone seems to be getting so much better." She really meant that. It pained her that, with the exception of Kanda, she was the one released from the medical ward first. It made her feel as if she hadn't done enough, as if she could have done more to lessen the suffering of her comrades by accepting the wounds that they had taken instead.

"But you were really deep in thought back there, weren't ya? Lavi commented. "I saw you leave Allen's room. I headed over there to check on him myself but saw Link go in and you come out and decided to let the two of them chat, so I followed you instead."

Lenalee flushed, embarrassed that she had been caught trying to eavesdrop on Link's and Allen's conversation. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

Lavi shrugged - an action that caused him to lose balance on his crutches - and then struggled to perch himself on top of them again. "Like I said, you were deep in thought. So what happened in there? How is Allen doing? I imagine that it's odd for the Inspector to visit Allen now that the war is over…"

Lenalee was unsure how to answer Lavi's unfiltered string-of-consciousness, so she chose to address the easiest question. "Better," she said. "Allen's doing ... better. And you? When will the cast come off?"

"Six to eight weeks," Lavi answered her softly. The light in his visible eye dimmed as he bit his bottom lip thoughtfully.

Lenalee looked at him for a moment, quizzically, wondering why the normally cheerful boy looked a little troubled. Then it dawned on her - he had no more business at Black Order headquarters once he was fully healed and rehabilitated. "You're leaving after that," the statement was flat.

"Probably. Once we get a new assignment." Taking a look at Lenalee's downcast face, he quickly added, "But I'll be here for a while. I'm still really hurt. Really!" He attempted to lift his broken leg to demonstrate his assertion and promptly lost his precarious balance on the crutches, sending him tumbling to the floor.

Knowing the spectacle was for her benefit, Lenalee allowed herself to laugh at her friend's clumsy display. "Oh, Lavi," she said, unable to help from keeping the grin off her face. Bending down, she helped him up to his feet.

"That's the Lenalee I know," Lavi said, his usual grin in place.

"It makes me feel a little strange to think of people leaving without any timeline of coming back," she confided, as she continued on her return to her room.

"There will still be Akuma, and we'll all pitch in to finish them off," Lavi assured her. "We Exorcists will always think of headquarters as a home. I bet everyone will stop in more often than you're giving them credit for."

An almost awkward silence settled in as Lenalee took her time to consider Lavi's words before finally responding with, "Thank you, Lavi," upon arriving at the door to her room. Her fingers absently reached for the knob.

"No problem. Lenalee, you take care," Lavi said, bidding her a farewell.

She watched as Lavi continued down the hall before realizing that he shouldn't have been the one walking her to her room. As injured as he was still, she should have offered to accompany him to his room. "Lavi," she called out, trying to rectify the situation. "Do you want me to walk you to your room?"

"Nah, I'll be okay. It's just down the hall and around the corner. I'm not so useless that I can't get there by myself," he returned good-naturedly, looking back with a smile and a wink.

"No, Lavi. I really think I should help," she said, starting to move towards him again.

He shook his head, the look in his eye firm. "I'm doing alright. Plus, Gramps is waiting in the room to talk to me. It'd just be easier for me to go by myself."

With that, Lenalee relented and went back to her room. Upon entry she flicked on the lights and shut the door behind her. She walked to the vanity table along the far wall, near the window, and studied her reflection. "Don't let war get the best of you," she told the reflection sternly. She often repeated the words that Anita had told on their trip to Edo. It served as a reminder to be strong, strong like Anita had been.

Her vision blurred slightly as she analyzed her own appearance. When had she grown up so much? She could still recall meeting Allen as if it were yesterday. How had three years passed so quickly?

She was not the frightened girl that she had been when she was brought to headquarters for the first time. Yet, she was not the cheerful girl that she had been three years ago. Reflexively, she ran a hand through the length of her hair, which, although not as long as it had been before her first battle with a level three Akuma, hung comfortably past her shoulders. Long gone were the days when she had found it appropriate to wear her hair in childish pigtails, and she felt as if she had lost something precious with that. It was just an indication of how much time had passed and how much each of them had really changed.

Lenalee found herself sitting down in front of her vanity wondering what the future held for her. She found it strange to be pondering how to go about her life, now that she was no longer required to be soldier. It was the only life she had known; however, she wasn't so ignorant as to be unaware of her surrounding world. She read whenever she got a chance and was grateful that Komui had taught her English when she was younger, prior to her abduction by the Order and that the Order had allowed her to continue on the educational path that she had wanted. Books, newspapers, and keen observation kept her updated on general social trends that Exorcists, who weren't able to live in normal society, seemed to be set apart from. She knew that many women her age were already married. Here she was at age nineteen, never having fallen in love, let alone even having considered romance.

Frowning, she noted that her occupation as an Exorcist hadn't exactly allowed her much time for thoughts other than missions, battles, and war. She knew she had already seen more death and tragedy than she would ever wish on anybody. That was her dilemma: not having the same background as women her age. Now that there was not a need for Exorcists in the same capacity that had been necessary in the past, she wondered what other occupations would suit her and still allow her to return to spend as much time at the headquarters as she wanted to.

It seemed as if many females of similar age and similar education background found jobs as governesses. It would be nice to have that sort of occupation - watching over the future rather than rectifying sins of the past. But, Lenalee wondered how many of the wealthy would trust their children in the hands of a Chinese woman (even one recommended highly from the Vatican) especially with the stories of the Boxer Rebellion still fresh in their minds.

Lenalee wondered if her past would prevent her from living the normal life that she had always longed for deep down inside, like the ones she had often dreamt about when she had first entered the Order. That sort of "normal" life could be just at her fingertips… And suddenly, she felt horrible and selfish for having such thoughts, since the Support staff didn't have the luxury of considering a life outside of the Order. Inevitably, her thoughts returned back to those she was closest to at the Order. She loved everyone there …

And that thought brought her back to the word "love." She really did love all of her comrades. However, she was aware that different kinds of love existed; she was just as aware that she had always pushed back thoughts of a specific type of love - romantic love. She had ignored the concept of romance for many years, partially out of respect to her love and dedication to her brother, whose presence at the Order saved her mind and heart, and partially because the life of an Exorcist didn't allow for such frivolous thoughts.

Things were different now, and Lenalee had gotten plenty of time to contemplate the frivolous between visiting her friends in the medical ward. If she was being completely honest with herself, there had been a time when she thought that she had felt a glimmer of that sort of affection towards Allen. It had been when she believed him to be dead, what with all of that damning evidence that Tyki had killed him. Her heart had ached in a different sort of way than it had for her other deceased comrades. She couldn't even explain how it was different, but it felt different to her. The overwhelming feeling of loss and numbness of denial had never taken over her in such a manner before, and she had witnessed enough death to know that it differed from her "usual" reaction. However, the war raged on, Allen entered the Order again after the resurrection of his arm, and she hadn't had time to ponder the depth of her feelings.

And then there was her battle with the level 3 Akuma on the way to Edo... At that time, when she had thought she was fighting a losing battle, she was surprised that the focus of her thoughts was as much of Allen as they were of her brother. Having an out of body experience was strange, but not as strange as feeling spiritually connected to a person who wasn't her brother. All she had wanted to do at that time was to talk to Allen again, to know he was alive ... and to feel the warmth of his embrace. It was the first time she had been able to contact him through a dream state, but it wasn't only time. At points, she almost felt synchronized with him in a similar way to her own Innocence. During the war, she had accepted that they were connected without giving it much of a second thought, as her life as an Exorcist with its endless missions didn't allow her much time to try to figure out a phenomena that she had written off as unexplainable. And so, again, she was forced to put her emotions on the backburner.

But now that the war was over she couldn't keep her naturally inquisitive mind from trying to make sense of the unexplainable. She couldn't help but wonder if it was due solely to the Heart or whether their connection was due to an entirely different force. Lenalee had always known that she regarded Allen a bit differently than her fellow Exorcists. Something about the sadness that resided deep in his eyes compelled her to want to help him. She wanted to be the one to heal his emotional wounds, wanted to be the one that he confided in, and wanted to be the one that he'd look at with that genuine smile that he awarded so rarely. As she imagined that look on his face, her heart raced and her blood warmed her cheeks.

She focused on her reflection the mirror again and was met with her the image of her own flushed cheeks and confused eyes. Suddenly, she was struck with the thought that her expression was somehow similar to the one Allen shot her as she was leaving his room earlier today. He had looked just as lost as she was looking now. Perhaps it was time to pay Allen another visit. Maybe the interaction would help her sort out her own jumbled feelings, instead of leaving her guessing as to the true nature of her emotions. She didn't know what she'd do if she confirmed the fact that she had romantic feelings, but at least she would know. As a soldier, she had learned that knowing facts was always better than guessing scenarios. She couldn't imagine it being any different in real life matters. Soon, she had left her room intent on seeing Allen for the second time of the day.

**TBC**  
Erm, updates probably won't normally happen at a frequency of more than once a week ... It's just that I had a couple of chapters done to flesh out how I thought this fic might go. That is all. XD;;


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Honesty**

As Lenalee made her way down the corridor, she noticed that not much time had passed since she had left Allen alone with Link, and so she decided to make her way down to the cafeteria to bring Allen (with that insatiable appetite of his) some food.

Upon reaching the cafeteria area, she looked and smiled at Jeryy. "I'm going to be visiting Allen and thought I'd bring him some food," she said by way of order.

Grinning, the cook said, "Absolutely. I will load it with his favorites!"

"Thank you," she replied. She knew that Jeryy had a soft spot for Allen, as the young Exorcist did eat more than anyone else in headquarters. In a matter of moments, two trays appeared before her. She could see locate a big pile of dango that dominated one of the trays. Balancing the two full trays was more difficult than she originally thought, but she managed to make her way up the stairs and down the hall to the medical ward. Although the people she passed along the way offered to help, she declined with a cheerful smile, saying that she was managing just fine. She wanted to be able to talk to Allen alone as soon as possible. Upon approaching the door, she was beginning to think that she should have had a better game plan. Frowning at the door, she started to set one of the trays down, when the door opened in front of her. She was shocked to see her brother exiting Allen's room, rather than Link, as she had expected. "Nii-san!" she exclaimed.

"Leeeenaaaaaaleeeeee!" Komui said greeting her with utmost joy.

"What are you doing in there? I thought Allen was speaking Inspector Link."

Komui's ecstatic state dimmed, as he said, "The Inspector got the information that he wanted. He wasn't in there for long. As for myself, I needed to check up on General Walker myself to inspect him for remains of the 14th."

General Walker. Allen's official title always threw Lenalee off. She knew she would never think of him as anything other than "Allen," but her brother was correct in addressing him with his proper title. "How is Allen? I'm mean, General Walker," she corrected almost immediately, making the same mistake she had been making for over a year.

"Himself," her brother answered with a soft smile. "There hasn't been a sign of the 14th since Allen claims to have Exorcised him." Then something akin to suspicion flashed in his eyes. "You're bringing him food, aren't you? I don't remember the last time you brought me my meal, my little, beloved Lenalee."

Lenalee gave her brother a calculated look; he was being overprotective again. "Nii-san, that's not true," she replied. "It was just last week, when you were in the lab. You were asleep, and I got a frantic call from Reever saying that he couldn't wake you. I went up there to wake you myself, and I also brought you a snack to replenish your energy."

Komui's lower lip trembled. "I suppose that's true," he said, the little wine in his voice persisting.

"I'll bring you something later," she promised.

"You've been here to visit the General quite often," Komui commented, focusing the full weight of his gaze on her.

With that accusation, Lenalee froze momentarily. "I've been visiting all of my fellow Exorcists," she said lightly. The last thing she needed was her brother torturing a wounded Allen, because he believed her to have feelings for the other boy that she wasn't even sure that she had.

"You visit him the most... sometimes several times a day..."

"It's only because of the nature of his Innocence; he just needs more food than the others."

Komui seemed to accept her answer, although he did shoot her a glance that told her that he wasn't quite convinced. He opened the door to Allen's room for her and took his leave.

For all of her brother's paranoia and wrongful accusations in the past, this time Lenalee admitted to herself that he was keying in on something that might be there, even if it might be a one sided interest on her part. Shaking her head, she tried to clear it from her selfish thoughts. _'It's really not like that,'_ she told herself. _'I'm not sure it's like that ... I'm not sure if he thinks any more of me than a friend... I'm a terrible sister...'_ Those thoughts ran through her head, with the last phrase resounding heavily. For a brother that had given up everything to be with her, she would do anything to stay by his side. That's what she had pledged so many years ago. But then, she looked up and saw Allen looking at her, a gentle smile on his face, and she felt something in her waver.

"You're back," Allen said, the tone of his voice soft. "And you brought me food!"

_'Ah,'_ she thought. _'Of course. The food.'_ Allen would naturally have the same reaction to anyone who brought him food. "You said you were hungry last time," she told him, setting the trays in front of him.

Allen wasted no time in starting to eat. She watched in silence wondering how she could bring up their earlier conversation naturally.

"Lenalee," Allen said, breaking into her thoughts. "Is something wrong?"

"No," she said automatically, her attention snapping back to him. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she acknowledged that he had finished his meal without her even saying a word. Usually they were chattier, and that was truly an indicator that something was amiss. "Well..." she relented with a sigh.

"What is it?"

"About earlier--"

Allen cut her off. "I'm sorry about that. I should never have never brought it up."

"No!" she exclaimed. "I'm the one who's sorry. I... I should have let you speak. It's important for us to keep the communication open."

"I was only going to say useless things," Allen told her softly, his eyes dimming.

"I should have never left you alone with the Inspector!" Lenalee lamented, bowing her head and feeling tears gather in her eyes. She cursed her own helplessness and tried to keep the warmth in her eyes from falling. "I was just scared, and I'm sorry." And she really was sorry - sorry for not staying with him and for not letting him say what he needed to say. Now, everything was such a mess, and she didn't know where to begin anymore. While she was thinking of a way to get out of it, she felt a hand rest gently on hers. Her eyes found themselves focusing on red, gnarled flesh and blackened nails. And suddenly, Lenalee wasn't thinking anymore. She took his hand clasped it between her own, her fingers closing gently around the coarse flesh of Allen's inactivated innocence. "I'm sorry I didn't let you speak, but I'm here if you want to talk about anything." She lifted her head, eyes damp, tears not yet shed, and looked at him.

Something in her face must have surprised him, because she saw his eyes widen and heard him take in a breath sharply. Soon, that surprise was replaced with his normal smile, a smile that was warm and cold at the same time, a smile that betrayed no true emotion. "It's okay, Lenalee," he said.

"It's not okay," she told him sharply, angry that he wasn't being honest with her. "I know you're putting on that false smile. It hurts me to see it used against me, because I want to hear everything you have to say. Because ... because ..."

Again, she lowered her head. Maybe she was overstepping her boundaries; maybe she didn't care. However, the unfinished "because" rang in her head. _'Because you're important to me,'_ she thought, filling in the blank. It didn't feel quite right. _'Because I l—'_ She stopped mid-thought. With the way things were going, she didn't want to acknowledge it. If she didn't finish the thought, then it wouldn't be true, and they could go back to being fellow Exorcists, nothing more nothing less. Again, she heard herself uttering words of apology, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you from speaking earlier today. I shouldn't have left you alone with Link. And ... I really shouldn't have come back tonight. It has only served to agitate us both." She tried to pull away, to leave, but Allen's hand tightened around her own; she could feel the knotted flesh pressing tightly against her own hand.

"Don't go," he said. That was all she needed to hear to stop her in her tracks. "I," he started. "I wanted to talk to you about something strange. It's not really related to battles, but at the same time it is."

"What is it, Allen?"

He paused, and she gave him an encouraging nod. "I see you," he finally blurted out.

"You see me?" she asked, quizzically. She wasn't quite sure what to make of his bizarre statement.

"In my subconscious. I see you when I feel helpless, and I feel as if I'm really connected to you. I can't explain it. It's crazy, though." He shook his head and let out a little laugh. "Never mind. It just sounds too crazy."

Lenalee looked at him, dumbfounded. Was it really possible that he had been trying to figure out their connection, too? "It's not crazy," she responded, when she could find her tongue. "It's not crazy at all. Tell me what you see."

Allen looked at her, surveying her face as if trying to determine her sincerity. "Sometimes I talk to you. You were there when I lost my arm. But sometimes ..." his voice dropped to a barely audible whisper. "Sometimes," he started again softly. "You don't see me. You're crying, and I feel like I should go to you. Like I need to go to you. I have that dream a lot. Why is that?"

Lenalee sat up, shocked. "I've had that dream. The destruction of the world. I'm the only one alive ... You're not there, not alive, at least. I don't see or feel you watching me."

"He has always stopped me from going to you, even though I feel like I must," Allen said automatically, as if not even really thinking how strange their intertwined dreams were.

"Who?" Lenalee asked.

"HIM ... the 14th," he ground out, eyes narrowed. "But I have to go to you. Why do I feel like that?"

"I ... I don't know," Lenalee answered honestly, her heart beginning to pound hard. All he was telling her about their connection, about their dreams. It was too much to be a coincidence. It had to mean something.

At that admission, Allen finally seemed to be rattled from his almost dream-like state. He blinked a couple of times, as if he were trying to work through the conversation that took place moments ago. "So, you don't seem really surprised. Why? Do you see me, too, sometimes?" He leaned in closer, as if in anticipation of her answer.

"I do," she replied speaking in hushed tones and moving closer to him, as if she were telling a secret. In a way she felt as if she were; the connection she felt with Allen was like nothing she had ever felt before, and she felt that confiding the truth with him was something that needed to be done as discreetly as possible, despite the fact that the two of them were alone. "You're the only one I ever see, and I can't explain it either. Is it the heart ... or ... something else?"

"I don't know," he breathed, equally as serious and quiet. "You're the only one I see, too. I mean, in the manner where I think that I'm actually with you. It doesn't make sense..."

As Allen trailed off, Lenalee realized how close they were together, whispering about a bond that only they felt and only they understood. Her eyes were focused on him, and his gaze was locked on hers. Their faces were only inches apart. Was it her imagination or did the air between them shine and crackle with electricity? Suddenly, she felt lightheaded. Her breath grew unsteady, and her pulse jumped uncomfortably. But she couldn't pull away; something wouldn't let her. She was captivated by the moment. When Allen lowered his head, so his forehead touched hers, her breath caught in her throat, and blood rushed to her face.

Was this what it felt like to fall in love? "Al...len?" she said, half a whisper or wonder, half a question. As she looked at him, peered into his eyes from such a short distance, she saw the confusion enter his eyes.

"Lenalee?" he asked, brows furrowed, as if he was deep in concentration.

After a moment of staring at with gray eyes, hazy with confusion, Lenalee saw something in them clear, as if he was on the brink of discovery. At that moment, Lenalee felt the butterflies in her stomach transform into birds that flapped violently. Pulse racing, she waited for Allen to make the next move. Slowly, she watched as his eyes closed, his mouth moving closer to hers. Slowly, he was moving so slowly, almost hesitantly, as if giving her a chance to change her mind and pull away. She let her own eyes slide shut, felt him close in, his face so close to hers that she felt his warm breath against her cheek.

_'This is it,'_ she thought, her bottom lip trembling in anticipation…

And then the intercom in the medical ward went off. "Lenalee Lee! Report now to the Science Department!" Komui's voice rang out clearly into the room.

The magic faded away, as they were shocked back into reality by Komui's demanding voice. Lenalee pulled away from Allen guiltily.

"LEEENAAAAALEEEEEEEE!" Komui over the intercom said, his voice rising in desperation. "Your brother needs to SEEEEE you! Right now!"

She could make out sounds of struggle in the background. She heard static as her brother screamed, "Reever! Let me gooooooo! Let me go!" And then a distraught Reever cried out in pain, "Oww! You bit me, Supervisor!" Then the infirmary was silent.

"I-I'd better go," Lenalee said immediately.

Allen looked at her briefly, as if trying to decide whether or not to stop her. He turned away from her and said, "You probably should."

As she headed to the door, she looked back at Allen, just like she had done earlier that day. This time, he did not look at her as she made her exit, and she couldn't help but feel disappointed.

**TBC**

Seriously, I'll find the time to write. =)


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Conversations**

As Lenalee headed to the other side of Headquarters, where the Science Department was located, she wondered what her brother wanted.

Dread overwhelmed her, as she wondered if Komui was monitoring Allen's room in the infirmary. _'What should I say if he is?'_ she wondered. The truth might not be the best thing for Komui. Or maybe, she ought to allay his fears by making sure that they would never become the truth. Nothing happened moments ago between her and Allen, and she could arrange it so that nothing ever did.

"Komui nii-san," she said cautiously, pushing the door open.

She was met with the sounds and the sight of her brother sobbing. "My little Lenaleeeeeeeee!" he exclaimed getting up and wrapping her in an embrace. He sniffled, wiping his nose on her shoulder. "Hooow cooooullllld you!" Hugging her brother back, she looked around, her eyes meeting Reever's. He held up a bandaged hand and mouthed the word "sorry."

"What is it?" she asked, even though she had a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"I saw it!" Komui cried, pointing at the offending piece of equipment.

"Video feed! From Allen's room. Is he still under surveillance? Is that why Inspector Link and Leverrier are still here?" Her blood boiled at the thought of the Inspectors being still suspicious of Allen.

"The superiors thought it would be a good idea to keep an eye on the General … to check if there were any signs of the 14th reappearing."

"Allen's fine!" Lenalee said stubbornly. "He successfully exorcised the 14th and isn't going to become a Noah. He has already been declared a General! There's no way the Superiors would have done that if they had any doubts where Allen's loyalties are! You must know that he's fine!"

"That doesn't explain how I saw him getting friendly with you!" With that, Komui let out another wail. "My little Lenalee! You're not leaving me, are you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, nii-san. If there was anything that concerned you, I'd tell you." She felt bad telling him a half-truth, but technically it was still true. It didn't concern him. It concerned her and her decisions.

But her brother wasn't listening. "I can build a machine, bigger, tougher, and meaner than any before, if General Walker thinks that he can be so casual with Lenalee," he muttered a familiar creative spark in his eye. "I'll show him to use his powers as a General to get his way with my sweet, innocent Lenalee."

"Nii-san, please," Lenalee said, putting her hands on his shoulders to steady him. "Don't force me to destroy any more of those."

"But ... it seemed as if ... he and you." Suddenly Komui was clinging to Lenalee again as if his life depended on it.

"Nii-san, I love you, and I won't leave you." She knew this was true and that she would always need to be able to be in contact with her brother.

"But," Reever cut in. "It doesn't mean that Lenalee can't be at that age. It's only natural."

Lenalee almost forgot Reever was even there, but she was grateful for the interruption.

"W-why would you saaaaaay something like that?" Komui asked, turning his attention on the section leader. "That's so mean!"

And that was when Reever saved her. Grabbing her arm, he dragged her outside of the room and shut the door behind them, keeping his weight against the door and trapping Komui inside. However Lenalee could still hear her brother yelling from the inside and pushing against the door demanding to be let out.

"Thank you, Reever-san," Lenalee said with a little bow of her head.

"Little Lenalee. It's nice to see you all grown up." His voice sounded wistful.

The tone in his voice made him sound older than he was, and for the first time, he seemed more like a parental figure than a peer to Lenalee.

"And it's fine that you are at that age. You're close to your fellow Exorcists, and it's only natural that you want to live your life. But you've either got to be more honest with Komui, or you have to come up with better lies. As it stands now, General Walker is in a lot of danger. By tomorrow, something will be after him." Reever sighed, sounding harassed.

"Yes, thank you, Reever-san. I understand what you're saying, and I'll keep it in mind. I should let you get back to your work. Tell nii-san 'goodnight' for me." With that she bowed again and ran off in the opposite direction, heading back to her room.

Once back in the comfort of her room, she immediately headed towards the shower attached to her room. The routine of cleansing had always helped calm her nerves, and she was sure that today would prove to be no exception.

Twisting the faucets, she adjusted the temperature and then undressed, tossing her clothes to the floor. Once inside the spray of the shower, she felt the heat relax her muscles and help ease the tension that she felt.

It was at times like this that she wished she had a mother figure, a big sister figure, or even just a female friend. Although Lenalee had spent most of her life in the Black Order, she hadn't really bonded with any of the other female exorcists in her earlier years. As a General, Cloud was often away on extended missions, and Tina Spark and Gwen Frere, while alive, were more agemates with each other than with her. Neither of them was particularly looking to take care of an emotionally broken child (not that she could fault them for that).

Consequently, in her youth, Lenalee had tended to prefer the company of Kanda, and then of Lavi as well, after the latter of the two had joined the Order. Although she appreciated being around those closer to her age, they were male, and she could tell they didn't understand emotions in the way that she felt them.

Now that she thought about it, she supposed she could talk to Miranda, now. But somehow, Lenalee always felt like the care taker of the pair instead of the other way around, despite the fact that the other woman was older than she was. That wasn't what she needed now, though.

Even though Kanda was no longer at Headquarters at this time, she imagined what would happen if she told her friend that she wanted to discuss her possibly being in love with Allen. She had a feeling that the conversation would end with him chasing her out of his room with Mugen activated. She giggled at the comical thought.

And then she considered Lavi. He seemed more emotionally in tune than Kanda, and he had always been nice to her. Part of her attributed his kindness to the manner in which they "met," or rather became aware of one another, for the first time.* She had been fourteen at the time and had been one of the only survivors of an Akuma ambush. Upon returning to Headquarters after the failed mission, she had noticed two new Exorcists upstairs with her brother. One, like her, had been a child at that time, with an eye patch and slightly bored expression on his face. That look had been quickly replaced by shock, as he took view of all of the coffins below. She would never forget the look on his face as their eyes met for the first time, his gaze focused on her bruised body and tear-stained face. Perhaps that initial pity left an impression on him.

She tried ridding herself of the bad memories, as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair and begun scrubbing her skin with a rough bar of soap. She always scrubbed hard. It was a ritual, as if she could actually rub off the feeling of death she felt surrounded her at all times.

Soon, she was clean and ready for bed, but she was still full of nervous energy. Her mind was agitated and her heart at unease. She knew very well that when she fell asleep tonight that she'd dream, and she'd dream of Allen. Both of them had so many things that had been left unsaid from earlier that evening, but her run in at the Science Department brought to light many issues that she didn't want to think about.

What was it she really wanted? What was fair for her to take? How would her actions affect her life, Allen's life, and her brother's life? She didn't know, but she needed to figure it out before she surrendered herself to her dreams. After half an hour passed, she felt even more restless and not any less confused, and so she left her room to find someone to talk to.

At this time, most of the people stationed at Headquarters, save the Science Department, were settling in for sleep, so the halls, although still well lit, were quiet and deserted. She found solace in the calm and took her time wandering the halls. Eventually, she found herself in front of the room that Lavi and Bookman shared. It didn't surprise her that she settled on Lavi subconsciously, as the young man was good at talking and putting others at ease.

Once outside of the door, she paused momentarily, wondering if it was rude to be bothering them at such an hour. But still, she had already come this far, and she felt as if she needed to talk to someone who knew her well and who could help her sort out her emotions. Softly, her knuckles connected with the heavy, wooden door.

The door yawned open in front of her, and Lenalee found herself peering down at Bookman. "Miss Lena," the older man said. "What can I do for you tonight?"

"Umm," she started, caught off-guard, as she was expecting Lavi to answer the door. "I was just wondering if I could talk to Lavi for a moment." Her eyes surveyed the room and saw a blanket-covered lump stir on one of the beds. He was already in bed. She immediately felt guilt overwhelm her. "I'm sorry," she gasped putting a hand to her mouth. "Nevermind. He's still physically worn. I should let him get his sleep."

"Issskay," mumbled a groggy voice that came from the lump on the bed she assumed was Lavi. "I'm awake. I'm coming." The pile of blankets moved to reveal a sleepy faced Lavi, who smoothed a hand through rumpled, red hair that hung sloppily in his face. Yawning, his left hand reached clumsily for the pair of crutches that sat near the foot of his bed.

As he worked his way gingerly towards her, Lenalee knew that she would have to find a way to properly apologize for bothering him late at night.

Lavi was a good sport about being dragged out of bed and had that familiar smile of his plastered on his face. But every time Lenalee heard the sound of his crutches scraping against the floor, she felt another stab of guilt. "Why don't we go to a conference room or something?" she suggested, trying to find a place where they could be alone relatively quickly. They made their way to the closest one and she helped Lavi settle down in a chair.

"I'll go get some hot chocolate or make some coffee," she offered, getting up from the table. "It'll just take a minute." She turned to leave, when she was stopped by a strong hand closing around her wrist.

"You don't hafta do that, Lenalee," Lavi said, his voice patient and soothing. "Just tell me what it is. What do you need to talk about?" he asked. "It must be very important if you're coming to me at this time."

She sat down next to him, folding her hands quietly in her lap. Strangely enough, now that she had the company that she sought, she suddenly felt shy and was unsure about how to start the conversation. After a long pause, she finally said, "I've had a lot of time to think, lately. You know, about the Order and of life outside of the Order, what with the Pope's new decree after the defeat of the Millennium Earl."

"Uh-huh," he said, nodding. He had a thoughtful, open-minded look on his face. "Go on."

"Whenever I think about it and about the options I have, I feel guilty and selfish," she finished vaguely. Suddenly, she felt timid, and explaining her emotions seemed silly. She tried to verbalize what she was as feeling, but no matter how she pieced the sentences together in her head, she couldn't quite find the right wording to grasp at what was really bothering her … at what was making her feel so lost and confused.

"Uhh, Lenalee, I think I need to know more than that," Lavi said gently, a wry smile on his face.

"It's just that without the war, I'm not sure what else to focus my energy on. Before, I never had time to think about anything else but the war and making it home safely with all of those that I care about. And now, I keep thinking about growing up ... and about normal people our age and what they're doing."

"Ehh?" Lavi said, seeming to perk at the information. "This wouldn't have anything to do with our newest General, would it?"

Lenalee's blood rushed to her cheeks, dying them a pinkish hue for the third time of the day. Trust Lavi, with that acute perception of his, to have already figured it out. Maybe a part of her subconscious was banking on the fact that he would have figured it out before she went to see him, and she was relieved that she didn't have to spell things out. However, that didn't mean that she wasn't feeling embarrassed and completely transparent. She stared at her fingers, which were twisting nervously in her lap.

"It's a perfectly normal emotion, what you're feeling," Lavi reassured nonchalantly, as if he was a psychiatrist advising a patient. "You've been close to Allen for years. You've watched him transform from a beansprout to the General he is now. It's very impressive growth in such a short time."

"You make it sound so simple, Lavi," Lenalee said finally getting the courage to look at her friend.

"It sort of is," he teased. "You really can't help whatcha feel. And, love has always had an impact on history."

"I guess you would know," she relented. Curiosity getting the better of her, she asked "How about you? Has it ever impacted you?" Deep inside, she was hoping for was an affirmative answer. She wanted to feel as if she wasn't the only one who had gone through this sort of emotion struggle.

She watched as his visible eye widened slightly, before he smiled and winked at her. "Of course. I fall in love easily," he said flippantly with a wave of a hand.

"I mean, really in love. Like in a way where all you can think about is comforting this person, helping this person, embracing this person--" she cut off mid sentence. "I'm sorry. That's too personal of a thing to ask. I just ... want to know I'm not alone in having feelings like this. And I really don't have anyone to talk to about it ..."

"It's alright. But, yeah, I think I have." He was smiling, but he looked serious.

Lenalee was instantly interested but felt it best not to push. Something in Lavi's face seemed oddly closed off, and she was certain that she wouldn't receive an honest answer. Lavi was continuing with the conversation anyway. "So?" he asked casually. "Are you gonna tell him?"

"I ... think he kind of knows already."

"Oh, then what did you need to talk about then?"

"Me, I guess," she said with a nervous laugh. "I can't help but have these feelings, but every time I think of Allen in a romantic fashion, I feel like I'm abandoning my brother."

"Oh," Lavi said with a thoughtful look on his face. "It's true that Komui's a bit overprotective of you. He's conditioned himself to do that. However, more than anything else, he loves you unconditionally and just wants to see you happy. You know, there are a lot of people here who would love to see you happy."

"I owe it to always be there for him." That didn't quite sound right, and she tried to clarify. "It's not that I feel like I'm obligated to stay with him. I want to, too."

"Just because you want to live your own life doesn't mean that you can't be there for him. With time, Komui will see that, too."

"Do you really believe that?"

Lavi let out a sigh. "You know, it's fine if you want to be selfish from time to time. Your life is your own. Do what you want to; experience what you want to. That's what life's about."

"B-but," Lenalee started, trying to articulate her thoughts.

"If you're tempted by freedom, grasp it," Lavi told her, oddly serious. "Don't be the type of sheltered person who can't go after what you want. That's not the kind of person you are. Nobody will fault you for wanting to live your life. We've all made choices that brought us to where we are. It was Komui's choice to come here for you. It doesn't mean, however, that he expects you to stay here for him forever."

Lenalee felt skeptical. "Are you sure?"

Lavi laughed in response. "Not really. But you'll never know until you try." His face sobered, and he looked her in the eye. "Take if from someone who knows what it's like to trade freedom for something else. Live the life you want to."

Lenalee blinked at Lavi in shock. It was a strangely serious thing for him to say and seemed a little at odds with his normally cheerful self. "Lavi?" she asked questioningly.

"Bookmen are what they are, ya know" he commented, putting that smile back on his face. "I know that now as well as I did going in."

It was the most honest Lenalee had seen Lavi, and she fell quiet as she considered his wisdom. "Thank you, Lavi ... for putting things in perspective. I think I'm okay now." She let out a little laugh. "It seems like all I do is thank you lately."

He shrugged. "Glad to be of help. Now if you could help me to my feet, I'd appreciate it."

She obliged, using her arms to pull him up and letting him steady himself by using her shoulders as an anchor. As they headed back to his room in silence, she thought about Lavi's words and marveled how they were really similar with respect to some points. He rarely talked about what he thought about becoming a Bookman. Since he had been at the Black Order for so long, she didn't really think of him as being as transitory as he once must have been. Soon, they reached his room, and she bowed her head to him. "Thank you for talking with me tonight. And I'm really sorry about waking you up and dragging you out of bed."

"Lenalee, if you ever need to talk again, please feel free to come to me, no matter what time it is. Oh, and good luck." With one last wink, he entered his room and shut the door behind him.

Lenalee stood for a moment, staring at the closed door. "Thank you," she whispered again, bowing deeply, hoping that he at least on some level was aware of how grateful she was for his company tonight. She scurried to her room recalling the phrase that eased her heart more than anything else. _'Nobody will fault you for wanting to live your life.' _ He had said it with such conviction; it had to be true. Surely, it was true. Now, she felt as if she were ready to face her dreams.

**TBC**

* A/N: This is just my personal interpretation of that scene in the Ark arc, when Lavi's battling Road. You know what I'm talking about right? It just seemed like it was his first time around the Black Order Headquarters before he really was introduced to anybody. I could be wrong (or right). Or I could have missed something. I'm only human. XD;

On a final note, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! =) Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I think I had a lot of fun writing it, even though I find it terribly difficult to write Komui. With that, I'm off!~


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Of Dreams**

Lenalee thought that she was asleep, but that incessant pounding noise was just so loud and annoying she couldn't possibly be asleep. She didn't remember ever having a dream this noisy before. Pulling the pillow over her head, she tried to ignore the sound. However, with each second, the rapping at her door grew louder and was impossible to disregard. With a reluctant sigh, she cast aside the warmth and comfort of her bed.

"I'm coming! Wait a minute!" she cried, hopping out of her bed. Opening the door, she was surprised to find Allen outside (with Timcanpy perched on his head).

Well, at least now she knew that she was most definitely dreaming. The fact that the Allen that stood before her was not sporting his battle injuries confirmed the fact that he wasn't visiting her physically.

"Lenalee! Finally!" Allen exclaimed when she finally let him in her room.

"What are you doing outside of my room?"

"Waiting for you," he said. "I've been knocking for a long time, too. Right, Timcanpy?" The golden golem seemed to nod along with his master.

"Sorry, I wasn't asleep yet. But I figured I'd see you, so I wanted to think about what to say to you."

"About earlier this evening?" Allen asked, as if trying to confirm that they were on the same page.

"Yeah," Lenalee said softly. She gestured for Allen to come deeper into her chambers and then shut the door behind her. He took a seat at the edge of her vanity and waited for her to sit in the chair across from him.

Once seated, she smiled up at him … and was met with a pair of confused, gray eyes.

"Do you want to forget what happened earlier this evening?" he asked. Their gaze met momentarily, and then he looked away from her.

"Do you?" she replied automatically, not even thinking about her response. She winced at how shrill her voice sounded and hoped he wouldn't take it negatively.

"I … I don't know," he answered. "It's … different. And it would complicate things. Not to mention that Komui would be after my blood." He said the last part quietly.

"He probably already is," Lenalee said off-handedly.

"Ehh?"

Now Allen looked alarmed, and Lenalee couldn't help but to laugh at the expression on his face. "I think you're cute when you're like this," she told him simply.

Allen's eyes widened momentarily. However, that look of surprise was quickly replaced with another one, one that was softer and more caring. "Lenalee…" he said, a rueful smile on his face. "You'll embarrass me."

Lenalee shivered. The way he said her name was quiet, familiar, and tender, and she loved it. She was amazed at how much easier accepting her emotions felt after her talk with Lavi. It was as if the red-headed boy's words had freed her from what she believed were her obligations. Those words had made it seem that anything but embracing her true feelings would have been a crime against herself. "Say it again, my name, just like that."

He obliged her. "Lenalee," he whispered softly.

They looked at each other for a moment, and she was fine with it. Just being here with him in the privacy of their shared dream, using that bond that only the two of them had was enough for her.

Finally, Allen broke the silence, a sheepish look on his face. "Is this what you really want?" He put his right hand on her cheek, letting it linger there momentarily, before letting it settle in a comfortable position at the crook of her neck.

"I do," she told him quietly, relishing the feel of his warm hand against her skin. The contact felt different than any other human-human interaction she had had before. It seemed to hum with energy and be filled with promise. "We've gone through so much together. And, I've never felt connected like this to anyone else."

"Me either," Allen breathed, moving his thumb across her jawline.

Lenalee thought that her heart would jump out of her chest. _'Kiss me,'_ she willed him, straightening in her chair to put her as close to the same height as she could get with him sitting on the vanity. She tilted her head up and looked expectantly at him.

This time, there was no hesitation on Allen's part as he moved towards her. Lenalee was almost surprised at how smoothly he closed the gap between their faces. She felt a warm tingle rush through her body when his mouth met hers. They shared a gentle, almost chaste kiss.

When they broke away for the first time, Lenalee could feel a spark in the air between them. There was an emotion written on Allen's face that she had never seen before. His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly agape, as if he was in awe… as if he was figuring something out for the first time in his life. The look of wonder and of discovery was something that Lenalee knew that she would never forget for the rest of her life.

Now, she couldn't believe that she had ever considered not pursuing this feeling - of not exploring it fully. From the look on his face, she could tell that he felt the same way, too. And for a moment they just looked at each other, the golden haziness that surrounded them weaving its magic.

Then, wordlessly, he kissed her again. There was no pause, no fanfare. It was as if he knew how much they both wanted this connection, this contact. She felt his left hand join his right hand at the nape of her neck, fingers twisting in her hair. This kiss was deeper, and she parted her lips, welcoming his warm tongue in her mouth. When they broke apart this time, both of them were breathless and a bit shy. Allen pulled away completely and simply chose to stare at her. She looked down, hands on her warm cheeks, feeling slightly embarrassed at the intensity of his gaze.

"I told myself I would never get involved with a girl," he finally said, looking away.

"Why would you do something like that?" Now she was confused. Did he think this was a mistake?

His answer was two short, simple syllables. "Master."

"General Cross?" she asked, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice.

"He … didn't exactly have healthy relationships with other girls. I always resented the way he acted around them, so I told myself to never let needless complications in my life." He seemed to realize what he was saying at this point and took the opportunity to wave his hands in a calming fashion. "That's not applying to this, to us. You're nothing like most of the girls Master used to keep around."

She rewarded his honesty with a wry smile. "I guess you and I are even," she said. "There was a time that I had convinced myself that I would never be in a relationship either."

"Why's that?" Allen asked, looking a bit flabbergasted. "You always seemed to seek the normal. There's nothing more normal than falling in love and getting married. It's the natural order of our society both now and of the past."

"Well," she said, after surveying Allen's face momentarily. "It's because of my brother.

"Komui." Allen said darkly.

"Yeah," Lenalee confirmed. "He's taken such good care of me that I want to take care of him back. He needs me now, and I want to be there for him."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I'm no good at lying to him. Why? Are you disappointed?" she observed his nervous face in amusement.

"No, no," Allen said, shaking his head, "More scared than disappointed." He gave her a weak smile. "It's just that I value my life and the quality of that life."

Lenalee laughed. "Nii-san isn't that bad," she told him. "I think that he'll get used to the idea and eventually grow to accept it. Someday, he'll have to realize that I've grown up. Now is as good of a time as any."

"You believe that," Allen said, his voice deadpan.

Lenalee couldn't help but catch the look of doubt that flashed through his eyes. "Yes," she told him. "You underestimate my brother. He's a scientist by heart, and aren't all scientist supposed to be reasonable and logical?"

Allen shot her a glance as if he questioned her previous statement, but he obliged her with an unconvincing, "Sure."

"He'll come around, you'll see," she assured him. "It'll be better this way than trying to hide it between the two of us, or even worse, ignoring our feelings all together." She could tell that this time her reasoning made sense to him.

"Okay," he told her softly, taking one of her hands into his. "But you have to promise me that you'll tell him to take it easy."

"I promise," she told him laughingly. "This will be good for us. Falling in love, it's what normal people do. You said so yourself." She nodded emphatically. "Normal people," she repeated, clinging to the hope of normalcy, even though her life as a soldier had kept it from her grasp.

"You always wanted to be normal," he commented. "You never wanted … the life that was forced upon you."

"Who doesn't want a normal life? Who would choose a life of watching friends die?"

"Sometimes we can't choose the path we're meant to walk," Allen countered softly.

"Our duties are done, Allen," she told him firmly. "We've given our youth to create a peaceful world without the Millennium Earl and without Akuma. We've done enough."

Lenalee looked him, watched as his brows furrowed as if he were deep in thought. She waited for a response that never came and was forced to change the subject. "Why don't we walk around the Headquarters together," she suggested.

"Huh? Now? Like in our dream?"

"Sure," she said, putting on a big smile. "We'll need to get used to the idea of walking around together like this. We might as well start practicing." She held out a hand and looked at him expectantly.

Allen's pensive expression melted into a smile easily, as he took her hand in his. "I guess that's true."

The two of them left her room hand in hand, walking close to one another and talking as they explored the empty Headquarters of their shared dream until dream faded back into reality.

**TBC**

Sorry for the short chapter (shorter than normal). I thought it sort of had a natural break point, though … =D That's it. Happy holidays! ::runs off::


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **A bonus holiday chapter!? I'm just as surprised as you guys are. =) But I have made a lot more progress on this fic than I originally thought I would over this time period. Enjoy.

**Chapter 6: Recovery**

"Lenalee! Allen! Over here!" Lavi waved at them from across the cafeteria.

"We'll be there after we get some food," she called back, raising her free hand in acknowledgement. Her other hand was occupied with Allen's, her grip on his casual. In the past couple of days, holding hands like this was starting to feel natural. She was hoping that he was beginning to feel more comfortable being with her like this in front of their peers at the Order, too. More than a week had passed since she and Allen had decided to try giving dating a chance, and he had since been released from the infirmary.

Looking back at Allen, Lenalee smiled reassuringly and was met with a slightly shy but sweet smile. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, the sound of loud rumbling filled the air between them.

"I'm hungry," he admitted ruefully.

"Then let's get you some food. I'm sure Jeryy is looking forward to seeing you this morning," she told him, pulling him towards the kitchen.

She knew how his hunger pangs in the morning bothered him more than other times. It was because sleeping for long, consecutive hours didn't allow for snacks in between, he had once explained to her.

Suddenly, she felt Allen freeze beside her and try to tug his hand away from hers. Eyes narrowing, she tightened her grip. Only one thing could get this response out of Allen; she knew that her brother was close.

Even though over a week had passed since their dream, their agreement, and Komui finding out that she and Allen had mutual feelings for one another, the young General still feared her brother. Although she couldn't really blame Allen for being scared, she still didn't want to feel like they were hiding every time he was near. It wasn't fair to them, and it wasn't fair to Komui.

With a sigh, Lenalee recalled the morning that had followed the wonderful dream in which they had talked frankly about their feelings for one another and had discussed the correct means to pursue them in the future. It had resulted in Lenalee rushing to the medical ward early in the morning to find Komui insisting that Allen put on a ridiculous, padded, bubble like suit in order to ensure her safety. It was at that moment, she had pulled her brother away from the still then bedridden (and terrified looking) Allen, thus saving the young General. In the moments following, she had had a lot to explain to her brother.

Komui had accepted the fact that Lenalee was interested in Allen better than she had been expecting. Although he had cried (so loudly that the matron kicked them out of the infirmary waiting area), he had also seemed somewhat reluctantly understanding. She suspected that Reever had helped her cause by talking to him about the possibility before she did; she needed to be sure to thank him properly for that.

Two robots had been sent after Allen in the following week ("to discourage Allen and test if his feelings were true," as Komui had explained). She had had to destroy both of them to keep Allen, as well as the rest of Headquarters, safe. In the next few days, she had spent a lot of time with her brother, reassuring him and trying to explain that this was something she felt that she really had to do. It had been hard, but she had tried to display her resolve and hoped that Komui could respect her wishes. Soon after that, Allen had been released infirmary, allowing the two of them to start spending time together as a couple.

Things between the two of them hadn't really changed. The physical closeness was nice: the kisses, embraces, and the feeling of someone there by her side. There was a certain degree of reassurance knowing that Allen chose to be next to her, that he chose to spend his time with her, and that he chose to hold her close. But her sixth sense told her that things hadn't really changed between them, emotionally. It wasn't as if the attraction and emotional bond wasn't there; it always had been. However, she was expecting them to become closer during their time together. Perhaps she was expecting too much.

Although it pained her to see Allen hiding things from her with that false smile, she reminded herself to be patient with him and that her patience would be rewarded in the end. But now was not the time to be thinking about things like that, not with her brother closing in on them.

"Good morning, nii-san," Lenalee addressed her brother, as he joined them in line for food. While smiling at her brother, she squeezed Allen's hand slightly, and he stopped trying to pull it away.

"G-go-good morning, Komui-san," Allen stammered nervously, bowing his head politely.

Lenalee looked expectantly at Komui.

"Good morning, Lenalee, General Walker." He said her name with his normal cheer but addressed Allen in dull tones.

"So," Allen said, as if trying to overcome the awkwardness with conversation about work. "Have you spotted any more stray Akuma?"

Allen's plan seemed to work, as Komui straightened in posture and pushed up his glasses, a clear indication that he was going into business mode. "Actually, yes," he said. "Near the Barcelona area. We sent Kanda there on his route back to headquarters."

"Oh," Allen said, the disappointment rang clearly in his voice.

Lenalee wasn't sure what Allen was more upset with, the fact that he wasn't going to be able to exorcise the Akumas or that Kanda was headed back to Headquarters. However, Lenalee did not share the same views as her boyfriend did on Kanda and was thrilled that one of her oldest friends was coming home.

Within the following minutes, Komui had ordered and taken his food back to the lab. Lenalee and Allen had also gathered their meals and were heading towards where Lavi was sitting. The two of them settled in the seats across from their friend, and Lenalee set one of the two trays that she was carrying in front of Allen. (She had learned early on in their relationship that although it was amusing to watch Allen struggle with carrying four trays that it was generally easier to just offer to carry one for him.)

"Thank you!" he said, rewarding her with his usual boyish charm.

When he was genuine with her, it wiped out all feelings of doubt that she had. She just shook her head, indicating that it was nothing.

"So," Lavi said, his mouth full. "What do you two lovebirds plan on doing today?"

Lenaleee shrugged. "I've got some duties to take care of in the Science Department, and Allen should be resting." She gave the boy next to her a sloe eyed glance to check his reaction.

"I'm fine now," Allen said waving a hand in between mouthfuls of food. "Matron said I didn't need to stay in the infirmary any longer."

"You shouldn't tax yourself physically, at least not right away," Lenalee warned. "I know you want the physical activity in order to get in shape again, but if you push yourself too hard, you'll just end up hurt again."

"But the boy doesn't understand the concept of relaxing," Lavi interjected laughingly.

"How can I rest when Akuma are still around?"

"See what I mean!" Lavi said, gesturing with his hands. "You know," he said addressing the young General, "If you think about Akuma all of the time, you'll lose sight of other important things in your life." He gently nodded his head towards Lenalee.

Allen's eyes widened, and he tried to make amends. "That's not … exactly what I meant. Resting can be good."

"That's the spirit! Go out to town or something like that. Be young. Have fun! Walk as fast as your legs will take you!" Lavi said, rapping on his own cast-encased leg to emphasize his point.

An hour later, Lenalee found herself walking around town with Allen. After purposefully waiting until she knew her brother was taking his mid-morning nap, she told Reever where she and Allen were headed. The section leader looked disgruntled at the fact that he would most likely be forced into telling her brother that she was out on a date with Allen. Although she felt a bit guilty for putting Reever in an uncomfortable situation, time spent outside Headquarter was hard to come by, and she felt as that she really ought to make the best out of her opportunities. She supposed she had Lavi to thank and reminded herself sternly that she really needed to find a way to properly thank him for all of the help that he had recently provided her with.

The weather outside was a typical mid-March day – mostly sunny with crisp, spring air. Lenalee was glad that it was still jacket weather so that she could comfortably don her familiar long-jacket. Due to the nature of her Innocence, she was not accustomed to wearing clothing that restricted the movement of her legs. Therefore, she could never bring herself to wear the fashions popular amongst females her age. Although she had long gotten used to the stares the other girls gave her when she wore short skirts and her uniform in town, she was never comfortable knowing that it was painfully obvious that she was different from her agemates.

But today was different from days she was in town; she and Allen looked normal, just like any other couple on the streets. There was no mission, no uniforms, just the two of them spending time together. Temporary breaks from the Order, like this, were nice and were necessary for proper relaxation.

Lenalee was determined to make the most of her time alone with Allen. "Isn't it refreshing to be out in the open?" she asked, throwing her hands in the air as if reaching for the sun. "For you especially. This is the first time you've really been out since the last battle."

"Uh, yes," he responded, a smile crossing his face. "It is."

Allen had such a pleasant smile; it almost distracted Lenalee from the fact that his eyes had been unfocused when she had addressed him, a sure sign that his mind was elsewhere. She sighed, wondering what exactly was weighing on his mind. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she opened her mouth to ask … but was promptly interrupted.

"Would you like to buy your lovely girlfriend a flower?"

Lenalee's attention snapped to a middle aged woman carrying a basket of red roses. The flower peddler had a soft, gentle, motherly appearance, which Lenalee was sure helped her with her trade. Since Lenalee knew that the Order wasn't exactly generous with their funds, so she was aware that Allen couldn't possibly be carrying a significant amount of cash on him.

Holding up a hand to politely decline, Lenalee opened her mouth to say that such a gesture really wasn't necessary. But, before the words were out of her mouth, Allen began digging in his pockets for change. Moments later, he successfully produced a small handful of coins. "I'll take one," he said dropping the coins into the woman's outstretched hand.

The flower peddler smiled, and held out her basket. "Choose any one you wish."

"Hmm," he uttered, fingers grazing the green stalk before settling on one. "How's this one, Lenalee?" he asked, turning back to look at her with a shy smile.

Lenalee found herself rendered speechless. Everything about this moment was what she imagined a typical couple having, and to her it felt absolutely perfect. His genuine smile caused her heart rate to race in such a manner that she could hear her blood being pumped; the sound rang hollowly in her ears. At that time, she wanted nothing more than to have Allen look at her with that tender expression for as long as possible. It was only when one of his eyebrows quirked that she realized that she still hadn't answered him. After blinking to shake herself from her stupor, she replied, "It's perfect."

Something that looked like relief flashed through Allen's steely gray eyes, as he visibly relaxed. He handed Lenalee the flower, thanked the peddler, and then joined her to once more continue their walk.

Although Lenalee was vaguely aware that Allen was speaking, she couldn't focus on his words; her eyes were drawn to the rose that was clutched in her left hand. Unable to resist, she lifted the flower to her nose and sniffed delicately. It was the first time a guy had gotten her a gift that meant anything more than an indication of friendship, and she wanted to properly preserve the memory - from the emotions that ran through her, to the way the rose smelled, to how it felt in her fingers. With her free hand, she softly stroked the velvety petals, curiously, trying to memorize the sensation of the soft silkiness.

"I'm glad you like it," Allen said, interrupting her.

When Lenalee looked up at him with a start, she saw a wry, almost amused look on his face. It immediately brought a flush to her cheeks, and her hands dropped to her side. '_How silly I must appear,'_ she thought, her eyes downcast. After walking in silence for a bit, she dared to take a peek in Allen's direction to find that he was still looking at her with the same look on his face. When their eyes met, she noticed that his smile widened.

"Are you having fun, Lenalee?" he asked.

She knew that he was being one hundred percent sincere, that he really wanted to know if she was having a good time, because it was important to him. Although she had no real indication that this was the case, she was convinced of that fact. Perhaps it was something in the tone of his voice, or a certain softness in his eyes that she had recently begun to realize was only present when he spoke to her. Whatever it was, she knew it was the truth, and so she answered in kind. "I am."

"Then, let's go," he said, offering her his right hand. "What else would you like to do today?"

She accepted his gesture by slipping her left hand into his outstretched hand, her fingers engaging his. "It doesn't matter, as long as we're together," she declared, hoping that it didn't sound as cheesy as it did in her head."

She was rewarded with a smile, as he pointed in the direction of a cafe. "Then, can we get something to eat? I'm starving!"

"Allen ..." she said, shaking her head at the predictability of his request. "Of course."

As he headed towards the cafe, she matched his pace with his, their walk filled with comfortable chatter.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Normalization**

While sitting alone in her room, Lenalee discovered that she had developed a new habit in the past week. She found herself perched at the edge of her seat staring at a dried rose that she just couldn't bear to throw away. Although she had gotten flowers before, normally of the "get well" sentiment, she had never felt the urge to keep them. She wondered what the inability to throw away Allen's gift signified about the depth of her feelings. She noted that even though she was unsure about how much she really liked Allen, it did not negate the fact that she felt compelled to keep the dried flower and that she had taken special care to preserve it. The vibrant, red petals of the rose had dulled to a rusty brown, and the flower, as a whole, had become fragile, but fondness spread throughout her when she looked at it.

Her thoughts returned to that day on the town, what she considered their first date. However, the "date," Lenalee recalled wryly, ended not as perfectly as it had begun.

Her and Allen's day on the town had started pleasantly and continued normally enough. However, after an afternoon spent walking around and chatting, both Lenalee and Allen had found themselves eager to give their feet a break. They had settled down on a bench, but the peace had not lasted long. A scream from the center of the town had caused Allen to jump into action quickly, as he had been convinced of an Akuma's presence. Although she had tried to talk sense into him (since his eye had not indicated the presence of Akuma), he had not been able to be placated and had dragged her along with him. In the end, she had been right. It had not been an Akuma, just a mother with a child who had fainted. And he had apologized to her afterwards for overreacting ...

Lenalee frowned ever so slightly. It wasn't as if she faulted him for being on edge and cautious. Due to their profession, they had been conditioned to react quickly. However, his sudden movements had almost caused her to drop her rose, something she had refused to let happen. She had clutched at the stem, gripping it so tightly in her hands that she still remembered the pressure of the thorn stumps digging into her palm. Lenalee shook her head to rid herself of her negative thoughts. Overall, the events of that day left nothing but wonderful memories, and she wanted to focus on those. Besides, Lenalee was well aware that Allen tended to be a bit of a work-a-holic (even if work wasn't as readily available anymore). She had long accepted that aspect of his personality and knew that he wouldn't be the person he was without that trait.

However, there was something else to consider - her brother. That impromptu date that she and Allen had gone on over a week ago caused Komui to become more protective and clingy than ever, and Lenalee wondered if it was time to speak to him again. Dealing with him after she had returned home that night had not been pleasant, and perhaps she had underestimated his ability to cope with this situation. Komui's overreactions were doubly tough on Allen, who now avoided the other man like the plague. Looking at the single, dried flower sitting in its glass vase, Lenalee sighed heavily. She owed it to all of them to get things settled, and so she went to find her brother.

Moments after arriving at the Science Department, Lenalee realized that she should have prepared herself better for her brother's overprotective nature. Upon entering, her brother threw himself on her like a linebacker, catching her off guard.

"Nii-san!" she exclaimed, desperately trying to balance the unaccustomed weight. "What's the matter?"

"Lenalee," he said, looking at her with mournful eyes. "What have I done to make you forsake me?"

"You're over-reacting," she told him in attempts to keep the mood light. It didn't work. She watched as her brother's already sad face crumpled into abject despair. After just one sniffle, the tears began to pour down his face.

"Lenalee," he whined, burying his face into her shoulder. "I'm not. You were out with that General brat. You'd rather be out with him."

"Oh, nii-san," she said, trying to comfort her brother by patting him reassuringly on the back. "It's different. You can't compare my feelings for Allen with the love I have for you. I do love you very much. And you _are_ over-reacting."

He whimpered, tightened his grip on her, and refused to let go.

Lenalee didn't know how long she was held captive in her brother's restricting embrace before she grew impatient. Finally, she had to do something. "Nii-san, please let go of me," Lenalee said as gently as she could, considering the fact that she was getting more than a little exasperated.

"No way!" Komui cried his arms around her waist. "The moment I let you go, you'll go sneaking around again."

"I won't. And how many times do I have to tell you, we weren't sneaking around. You were asleep." She walked around trying to disengage Komui from her, although all she succeeded in accomplishing was dragging her brother around the floor.

"Convenient excuse," Komui pouted. "What if something had happened to you?"

"I can take care of myself," Lenalee told her brother. And then she took pity on him. Kneeling down, she faced her brother. "Nii-san, you know I love you, but it has been almost a month since I've told you about Allen. I was hoping that you'd get used to it soon."

"But, but … you're my precious little sister. I have to be here to keep you safe."

"Oh, nii-san, I know," Lenalee said, softening. She put her arms around her brother. "You're important to me, you must know that. But … this thing with Allen, it's something else I need. But that doesn't mean I need you any less. I need you differently. Can you understand that?" Maybe he couldn't. With a heavy sigh, she continued before he could speak, "Maybe I'm being unfair to you." Her lips tugged downward. "I'm sorry." She rested her head on his shoulder and repeated, "I'm sorry."

A moment's silence passed before Komui spoke. "Lenalee. You know I'd do anything to protect, to keep you safe." He released her from his arms, so that they were kneeling on the floor next to one another. "If you do this, I'm not sure I can keep 'here' safe." He gestured at his heart.

"Oh nii-san, you know what kind of person Allen is, and you know what kind of person I am. I … just …"

"Need to grow up," he finished for her, patting her on the head. "Sometimes I need to remember that. When they took you from me, you were so fragile."

"I learned how to not be fragile. You taught me how when you came here," she reminded him. "And you did a fine job rearing me, nii-san. Now, please, will you take it easier on Allen?" She looked expectantly at her brother, and saw something waver in his eyes. At that moment, she knew she would be able to find some sort of a middle ground with him…

An hour later, Lenalee left her brother's office with vows of kinship renewed. He had seemed to (grudgingly) accept her and Allen's relationship after their honest discussion. During their conversation, Komui had revealed that Reever had tried previously tried to talk to him about her and Allen as well. At this point, Lenalee was relieved that things for the foreseeable future were going to settle down. Shutting the door quietly behind her, she was surprised to find a dark figure lurking nearby, as if waiting for her.

"Lavi!" she gasped, recognizing the silhouette of crutches in the dimmed light of the hallway. "What are you doing there? It's like you're waiting for me to come out to spook me or something."

"That was rather diplomatic of you," Lavi said, his eye twinkling mischievously.

"Do you make it a habit to eavesdrop?" She was unsettled that he had caught off guard and didn't like how obvious it was that she was distracted.

"You were very eloquent in expressing how you feel about Allen," he commented, continuing not to answer her questions, an amused smile on his face.

Lenalee responded to Lavi's evasions by crossing her arms over her chest and giving him a sour look.

"Aww, you don't want to play anymore," Lavi said, sticking his tongue out at her. He waved a fistful of papers in her direction. "Gramps wanted me to deliver these to Komui. Yes, I'm the one with a broken leg, but he's still having me run the errands. The irony isn't lost on me."

Biting her lower lip, Lenalee tried to thing of a way to put a positive spin on things. She finally suggested, "Maybe he just wants you to practice walking with your crutches. You've got another month or so with that cast on, and then who knows how much physical therapy you'll need to regain full use of your leg. You'll be using crutches for a while, and I can tell you're steadier with them now then you first were."

Lavi shot her a skeptical look. "He's not that nice. But I do appreciate you applying your good nature to him."

"Any time," she told him a little smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Anyway, I have to be heading off. Sorry for making you wait to speak to nii-san."

"Give Allen my best regards," Lavi said, a knowing smile on his face.

Lenalee felt her face grow warm and opened her mouth to protest (even though Lavi had hit the nail right on the head).

He laughed, most likely a response to the embarrassed expression on her face. "Go on. Don't keep him waiting." With a final wink, he turned away from her and made his way to the door to Komui's office.

After waiting until her brother's office door was shut firmly behind Lavi, Lenalee heeded the red-headed boy's advice and dashed to Allen's room. She hadn't remembered a time she had felt so free with their relationship, and she wanted to share the good news with Allen as soon as possible. So, she rushed to his room, feeling especially light on her feet.

Knocking excitedly on the door, she waited for his response. She was somewhat deflated when his answer was a lackluster, "Yeah."

"Allen, it's me," she said. "And I have good news. Can I come in?"

"Uhh, sure, Lenalee..."

She pushed open the door to catch Allen in the act of sitting up in his bed. Timcanpy fluttered up, disturbed by Allen's sudden movement. Shutting the door behind her, she rushed over to him and propelled herself into his arms. A surprised noise escaped his throat, as he accommodated her weight in his arms without falling back on his bed.

"Woah," he said with a little laugh.

"I talked to my brother," she told him, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She felt him stiffen at her words. "No, it's a good thing," she reassured him. "I think I really got through to him."

"So I don't have to be scared about leaving my room anymore?" he asked cautiously. He had a skeptical look on his face. "What kind of magic trick did you use?"

"None," she said, blinking in surprise. "Nii-san was reasonable. I know that he can be overprotective at times, but even he understands that I'm an adult now." Kneeling in front of him, Lenalee put a hand on either side of his face and forced him to look at her. "Allen," she said softly. "Everything will be okay. Nii-san understands that I need this… that I need you."

She had the satisfaction of seeing his eyes widen as he processed the sincerity of her words.

"Lenalee," he said, a rueful smile on his face. "I'm sorry." He put his arms around her and pulled her close.

With their bodies pressed closely together and the fact that she could feel his breath on her cheek, she couldn't resist closing her eyes and bridging the gap between their faces until she felt his lips, soft and yielding, against hers.

**TBC**

This isn't my favorite chapter by far, but I think it's necessary for future cohesiveness of this fic. I digress… =)

I know I don't say this enough – but a big thanks to all my readers. (It makes me happy to think that anybody's reading this fic, and I really appreciate all of your thoughts as well.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Idle**

Nearly a month had passed since Lenalee and Komui had reached their agreement. On that particular morning, she found herself heading to the cafeteria by herself, since Allen was away on a mission. "Good morning, Lavi, Bookman," Lenalee said cheerfully as she joined the other two with her tray of food.

"Good morning, Miss Lena," Bookman addressed. "You're in good spirits this morning."

"Well, yeah," she said, knowing very well that a dopey smile was pasted on her face.

"Allen's coming back today, isn't he?" Lavi said, his visible eye sparkling with amusement.

Lenalee flushed. "Well, yeah," she said, repeating her last statement.

"Ehhh," Lavi commented, still sounding amused. "So I was right."

Bookman shot his prodigy a dirty look before smacking him upside the head.

After rubbing a sore spot on his head and giving Bookman an aggrieved look, Lavi started the conversation again. "So, what mission was he on this time?"

"Something in France this time, I think," Lenalee answered, biting her lip thoughtfully.

"He has been gone a lot this last month."

Even though Lavi was merely stating a fact, Lenalee felt her mood darken. However, she forced a smile on her face. "You know Allen, always after those Akumas. He's a bit of a work-a-holic. Plus, I think that the time he spent in the infirmary prior to these little missions had him going stir crazy. It's really not a surprise that he'd actively pursue these lingering missions."

"That is the nature of his personality," Lavi said casually. "But, man, the boy needs to relax. He was up and out that door as soon as he was physically well enough to take on missions."

Again, Lenalee felt her smile waver, but she held on to it. "He'll be back soon, and I'll be happy to see him when he gets back."

"That's good," a familiar voice said from behind her. "Because I'm home."

"Allen!" she gasped, jumping out of her seat and throwing her arms around him. "Welcome home. It's good to see you!"

"It's good to see you, too, Lenalee," he whispered in her ear, returning her embrace warmly.

Lavi and Bookman uttered their respective greetings, and Allen responded likewise with a polite smile, as he and Lenalee seated themselves back at the table.

She offered her plate to Allen and watched amusedly as he inhaled the food at a ridiculously fast rate. Although she knew he wasn't full, she knew the amount would be sufficient to stave off his hunger for the time being.

Shortly thereafter, Miranda, who had remained at Headquarters even after the Exorcists were granted their freedom, joined the group and seemed equally as happy as Lavi and Bookman to see Allen again. Even Jeryy found time to escape the kitchen and welcome Allen back (with huge plate of food, which the young man accepted with a big grin).

After he was done eating, Allen reached for her hand under the table and rested his on top of hers. In that comfortable manner, they just chatted with their friends, and Lenalee realized just how happy she was to have him back.

When breakfast time was over and the other Exorcists had parted ways, Lenalee found herself strolling the halls of the Black Order with only Allen's company. It was the first time they had had a chance to be alone together since … she couldn't remember how long.

Although Allen seemed content with the silence, she felt compelled to start a conversation. "So," she said. "Do you need to stop by your room or anything like that?"

"Not really," Allen answered. "I already dropped off my stuff before I headed to the cafeteria."

Instantly, she felt dumb for her previous comment; she should have realized he wasn't carrying his normal suitcase. "Of course," Lenalee said, with a little laugh. Was it her imagination, or did her voice sound hollow? Why was she finding it so hard to make conversation? Questioning herself only served to make her nervous, which manifested itself physically. Her palms started to feel clammy, and her heart rattled at an alarming pace inside of her.

"Leeenalee," Allen said in a sing-songy voice. "Where did you just go?"

Biting her lip, she felt a warm flush cross her face. "I didn't go anywhere," she protested, her fingers curling around the cuff of her sleeve.

"You're lying," Allen said, grabbing one of her hands. "You always fiddle when you're nervous. Am I making you nervous?"

"That's not it," she said. "I… just really wanted to see you again, and now that I can, I don't know what to say or do. I feel a little foolish."

"I missed you, too," Allen replied simply, as if it would put everything at ease.

Lenalee had to admit that his statement worked on some degree. "That's good to know," she said, ducking her head and stepping closer to him so that they would brush against one another as they walked. Although she wasn't looking at him, she could tell that Allen was smiling.

"So," he said easily, "Where would you like to go? The library? The recreation room?"

"The courtyard," she returned almost immediately, hoping that she didn't sound as eager as she felt. "The weather is nice," she backtracked. "It might be nice just to spend some time outdoors and relax. …Unless you had something else in mind."

"Not at all," Allen said. "It sounds like a wonderful idea."

Once outside, Lenalee led Allen to one of her favorite spot in the courtyard: a little nook tucked away behind bushes. She sat down on the grass, and Allen followed suit. Pulling her knees up, she wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin on them.

"It sure is peaceful here," Allen commented, draping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

"It is," she breathed, looking up at the bright sun and clear blue sky.

"Lenalee?" Allen said her name tentatively as if he wanted to ask something but was afraid to.

"What is it?" she asked, turning to face him with a reassuring smile.

"D-did I make you lonely?" His eyes had a sad, almost haunted look to them.

Lenalee's lips trembled as she fought to keep the smile on her face, but she couldn't lie to him, not when he was so obviously beseeching her to be honest. With a heavy sigh, the corners of her lips drooped, and her eyes hardened. "Maybe," she whispered. "It's just that you've been gone so often."

"It's the job," he said, apologetically.

"I understand the job," she cut in before she could stop herself. "But you didn't have to go on all of the missions that have come up since your recovery. There are plenty of people who are well enough and willing to go." After she was done with her statements, she winced knowing exactly how harsh she sounded.

"I… need to do my part. Besides, they're only Level 1 or Level 2; it's easy. The Akuma need me… The civilians need me, too," he tried to explain.

"I need you," she whispered. "Doesn't that count for anything?" She felt an oddly numb sensation spread over her and was vaguely aware that her throat constricted painfully. Shaking her head and blinking her eyes, she tried to rid herself of this strange feeling and was surprised when she felt a tear trickle down her face. "Ehh?" she uttered, still shocked at the tears. Pulling away from Allen, she pressed the sleeves of her uniform to her eyes.

The next thing she knew, Allen was pulling her hands away from her face and wrapping his arms around her. From just a brief glimpse at his face, Lenalee could tell how miserable he felt.

"Oh, Lenalee, I'm sorry," he whispered, resting his head against the junction where her neck met her shoulder.

With a sigh, she completed the embrace by pulling him closer until she could feel the heat of his skin thrumming against hers through the layers of clothing that separated them. It comforted her. "It's okay," she found herself saying. "I understand your dedication to your work." It wasn't the first time she had spoken these words, and she knew that it wouldn't be the last time. They had had little talks about his work-related compulsion before. But previously, she had always chosen to brush aside her own feelings, because when he was there, nothing else mattered – not her frustrations or the loneliness she felt in his absence. However, his constant departures were starting to wear on her emotionally.

"I'm so sorry, Lenalee," he told her again. "I'm here now… I'm here now."

She felt the warmth of his breath through the high collar of her jacket and shivered upon realizing how close they were to one another. In that moment, she wished that their uniforms didn't have such high necklines so that she could actually feel his lips move against the soft, vulnerable skin of her neck as he uttered his apologizes. Heat rushed through her body at her sudden daydream, and she couldn't suppress the shiver that ran through her body.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his head still buried into the nape of her neck. "I can feel your heart beating much more quickly now."

"N-nothing," she managed to get out, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over her. She tried to flush the vivid images of her fantasy out of her system, but he refused to let her do so.

"I feel your heartbeat," Allen said, refusing to change the subject. Almost playfully, he pressed his lips against the cloth that covered her neck. Freeing a hand, he brushed aside her hair and gently pushed the high-neck of her uniform down. "It's right here," he whispered, softly kissing the skin right beneath her jaw line.

Reality faded for Lenalee as her surroundings melted away into nothing but heat, light, and sensations. "Allen," she breathed, as he lightly nipped at her neck. And suddenly, she was aware that she was falling, literally. He was pushing her to the ground, and she yielded to his advances, pulling him on top of her. Her lips sought his desperately, and when they made contact, she could feel an equal desire and desperation in him. The feeling of intimacy was irresistible, and Lenalee wrapped her arms around Allen, her hands smoothing their way down his back, feeling hard muscle move underneath soft skin in reaction to her touch. She could feel Allen everywhere around her, his heat enveloping her, until she was aware of nothing but him: the feel of his body on top of hers, the feel of his lips pressed against hers, the feel of his hot breath against her cheek, the feel of his hands entangled in her hair, against her neck, sliding down her body…

Their breaths became labored, and Lenalee felt a hand hesitating near her collarbone, where the first button of her uniform was. She moaned into his mouth and arched her body towards his, hoping he'd get the message.

Unfortunately he didn't, and he pulled back, breathing heavily and looking particularly guilty. "Lenalee," he gasped. "I…" He took a breath. "We…" He looked dazed. His face was flushed, and his lips were swollen.

As she looked up at him, she could still feel a hazy, golden light surrounding them, and she didn't want to let it go. "Allen, what is it?" she asked softly, trying not to change the mood that surrounded them.

"What… I…" He still looked confused, and Lenalee took the chance to put a hand reassuringly on his arm.

"It's okay," she told him. "Everything is okay."

His expression cleared, and a smile of relief crossed his face. "I just… lost control briefly. I apologize."

"There's nothing to apologize for. I liked it, too." It was at this point, Lenalee realized that the moment was over. The magic was fading, and reality was returning. Suddenly, she was painfully aware that she was pinned to the ground with Allen on top of her, and shyness overwhelmed her. Gently, she pushed at his chest, and he seemed to understand. Rolling off of her, he focused his gaze elsewhere while she sat up and straightened her rumpled clothing.

The couple sat in silence for a period of time in order to let the remaining sparks dissipate. Finally, after a sense of calmness was restored, Lenalee said, "We've been out here for a while. Why don't we head inside before somebody comes searching for us?" Although she didn't say it, she knew that he understood that the "someone" she was referring to was her brother.

"Sure," Allen answered obligingly, getting up and offering a hand to Lenalee.

With a smile, she accepted, and they walked hand in hand back into headquarters. Upon passing a common room, something caught Lenalee's eye. Kanda was sitting comfortably chatting with Lavi. "Kanda!" she exclaimed happily, tugging Allen into the room with her. "You're back, too!"

When she saw her friend's normally sour expression deepen, she was perplexed. Kanda's gaze seemed to be focused on her and Allen's joined hands, and then she realized that it was the first time that both Kanda and Allen had been at headquarters at the same time since she and Allen had started dating.

"Beansprout," Kanda said, voice as cold and grumpy as ever. "What are you doing?"

"That's General Walker to you," Allen grumbled in response, his grip on Lenalee's hand tightening almost defensively. "And what's with your attitude?"

"Ah!" Lavi said, smile brightening. "That's right! Yu doesn't know about Allen and Lenalee!" He had a devilish smile on his face as he whispered something to Kanda, his voice so soft that Lenalee couldn't hear what he was saying.

Lenalee watched with chagrin as Kanda's face darkened. She thought that she could actually see his face twitching.

"You did what?" he asked Allen, jumping out of his seat and pulling out Mugen.

Allen's quick reflexes were the only thing that saved him, as he stopped the swing with his activated left hand. "We're just dating. I didn't do anything wrong!"

Kanda seemed to accept this answer and turned back on Lavi. "That's not what you told me!"

"Lavi," Allen said warningly. "What did you tell him?"

Lavi's gaze darted between the two young men in front of him. Although he was cornered, he still had a mischievous smile on his face. "Uhh, just that you got Lenalee pregnant, and now you guys have to get married." He laughed weakly. "But it was just a JOKE. A JOKE." He waved his hand, as if it would solve everything.

Lavi, for his attempted good humor, was rewarded with both Allen's and Kanda's fists.

"Fine," Lavi grumbled, rubbing at his wounds. "Beat up on the guy who's still hurt. No sense of humor, any of you."

Although Lavi's words did not have an ounce of truth to them, they caused the events that had happened in the courtyard moments earlier to flash through her mind. She began to wonder what could have happened if Allen had not pulled away. Fortunately for her, Komui entered the room and brought her thoughts back to the present.

Komui greeted everyone with a nod of his head and short wave, a sure sign that he was only there for business. "Good, Kanda, you're still here. I know you just got back, but there are a couple of what appears to be Level 1s a few miles south of here. Would you mind heading out again? I normally wouldn't ask someone who has just gotten back, but you still have all of your gear on you. It might just make things easier."

"I'll go," Allen piped up. "Kanda just got back. He should relax."

"_You_ just got back," Lenalee couldn't help but piping up.

"I've already had a few hours to relax. Let Kanda take a break."

Lenalee recognized the stubborn set of Allen's jaw and determined look in his eye. With a sinking heart, Lenalee knew that Allen's compulsion was taking over again, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop him from going on that mission. If push came to shove, she knew he'd pull rank over Kanda; he had done it before.

Komui focused his attention on Allen. "Alright, then. If you don't mind, General Walker, I'll leave it to you." With the official tasks taken care of, Komui expressed his need to get back to work and turned crisply on his heel, exiting as abruptly as he entered.

At that moment, she wanted to tell Allen not to go; she wanted to yell at her brother to get back here and rescind his order sending Allen on the mission. Instead, she forced a smile on her face and said nothing.

"I'll be back in a few hours," Allen told her. "Before this evening is over, I'll be back."

'_That's not the point,'_ a little voice inside her said. She thwarted that thought, and instead said, "Please come home safely."

With that, he disengaged his hand from hers and was off. Lenalee wondered if the universe was playing a giant, cosmic joke on her.

**TBC**

This chapter has been my favorite chapter to write _by far_. I actually like writing drama the best. On another note ... this is as ... physically intense as this fic will probably get, b/c writing those sort of scenes makes me blush. Really. That's why I tend to gloss over those details... *thinks* That's it~~~~~~~~


	9. Chapter 9

So, I spent the weekend at an anime convention. Anime conventions always inspire me to do anime-related things, like work on fanfics. =) Plus I'm totally exhausted, so it really makes me less inclined to go through the chapters many, many, many times and nitpick at word choice. (Seriously, this last step takes me a loooooong time. .)

**Chapter 9: Needs (Part 1)**

As she watched Allen leave, Lenalee couldn't help but let out a disappointed sigh. Staring at his retreating back was something that caused painful emotions to surface. She remembered the first time she had been left staring at his back; it was when she had briefly lost the ability to synchronize with her Innocence. Years had passed since that time, and at this point, she felt as if nothing had changed. He was always going to move foreword, whether or not she was there to follow.

She chided herself for being overdramatic, although she didn't blame herself for getting a little depressed whenever Allen left on a mission.

"Hey, are you okay?" Lavi asked her from beside her.

Her attention snapped to the red-headed young man next to her. She found it slightly disconcerting that she hadn't even noticed that Lavi had left his seat, but she recovered from her initial surprise easily. "Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, turning to him and flashing him the brightest smile she could muster. She kept the cheerful expression frozen on her face as she continued speaking. "I'm going to head back to my room. I'm a little tired."

"Are you sure?" Lavi pressed.

"She said she was fine," Kanda defended her gruffly. "Let her be."

Lenalee didn't hear anything else as she left the room. Numbly, she made her way back to bedroom and crawled into bed. Once she felt certain that she had complete privacy, she let the tears that she had been holding back fall, feeling the fat, warm droplets tracing the contour of her cheeks.

Why was she even crying? She understood that Allen needed to help others. She knew it was a key part of his personality, and she loved the kindness of his soul. If she was aware of this dominant characteristic, and she admired him for it, why was she hurt when it displayed itself? She simply couldn't make sense of it.

Earlier today, in the courtyard, she had been positive that she had finally been getting somewhere with Allen, and that he had finally realized she needed him to be around more often and that she needed to feel as if she were important to him. But within the same afternoon, that feeling of understanding was shattered, as he again pushed aside her feelings.

Thinking in such a negative manner made Lenalee feel like a selfish child. He obviously cared for her and tried to make it clear whenever he was around. And she knew that she loved him, too, or else his constant departures wouldn't affect her the way they did. It really wasn't a question of affection…

"I wonder," she whispered softly to herself, "if he can love me the way I need to be loved." It was just a random idea that had been running through her head recently. However, audibly stating it made the possibility seem more real and tangible, and she felt something inside her crumple. She hadn't felt this weak and needy since before her brother had entered the Black Order.

With time, Lenalee's tears stopped; however, she couldn't muster the energy to get out of bed. Lying alone in her bed, she asked herself questions that she couldn't possibly answer. It made her feel miserable and helpless. She didn't know how long she was lost in her own dark thoughts, but a knock at her door interrupted her solitude.

She chose to ignore it, but the person at the other side of her door was rather insistent, the knocks becoming more frequent and louder. Giving in, she finally called, "I'm coming!" When she wrenched the door open, she was surprised to see Lavi on the other side. He had a smile plastered on his face.

"Why did it take you so long to answer?" he asked. The seriousness his voice contrasted with the pleasant smile, which flustered Lenalee as she tried to process the contradictory expressions.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was taking a nap… I have this headache," she finished vaguely. Even as she told the lie, she winced at how flimsy it sounded and how thin her voice was. Instinctively, her hands curled around the cuff of her sleeve, fingers playing nervously at the edge of the cloth. When she saw Lavi's attention focus on her hands, she remembered Allen had told her she tended to fidget when she was nervous and forced her fingers to relax.

Lavi's smile dropped off of his face as he focused his gaze on her face. The way he was looking made her feel too transparent, and she just had to stop him from looking at her like that and from figuring out just how upset she was.

"If there wasn't anything you really needed, I think I'm going to go lie down again until I feel better." She moved to shut the door, but his reflexes were quicker than her actions. Before she could get the door closed he had wedged his cast-enclosed leg into the space between the door and the door frame.

He shot her a look, as if daring her to close the door on his hurt leg, which she was sure he knew that she wouldn't. Without giving it a second thought, she relented, opened the door, flicked on the light, and invited him in. "What is it, Lavi?"

"You didn't look okay," he told her simply, as he entered her room and shut the door behind him. "I would have been here to check on you earlier, but I had to get rid of Yu first."

"Oh," she replied. She knew her response was short and unsatisfying, but she didn't want to say anything else, not until she was sure she was ready to share her emotions.

"I meant what I said that night you came to talk to me before you and Allen got together. I'm willing to talk to you whenever you need someone to talk to. I'll gladly lend a sympathetic ear. Please, don't bottle up your emotions."

He was saying everything she wanted to hear as if he were psychic, but Lenalee chose not to take the bait. "I don't know what you want me to say," she said, taking a seat on her bed. "I really am fine." She forced the corners of her mouth to turn up and flashed him a thumbs up.

"I can make myself smile when I don't want to, too," Lavi told her, taking a seat next to her and resting his crutches at the foot of her bed. "Look, I'm just trying to help." He scratched his head and looked confused. "I don't know how to put this delicately, so I'll just be blunt with you. I can tell that you were crying. I can tell you still want to cry. I see that you get depressed whenever he leaves."

"That's great," Lenalee said, not bothering to deny any of his statements. "But what's talking about it going to help?"

"Maybe another mind can help you think of a way to get through to Allen. It doesn't take a genius to see that the two of you are crazy about each other. It's just that you need more of his time and affection. It's true that he hasn't been very mindful of your needs. But on the flip side, you have been overly cautious of his. If it's not clear to him that there's a problem, how can you expect things to get better?"

"But I have told him," Lenalee said before she could stop herself. And then she grew silent.

"And what have you told him," Lavi prodded, waving a hand encouragingly.

"I'm sorry," she said after an awkward pause. "I just don't think that it's right to discuss matters concerning Allen's private life in a one sided manner."

"Don't you care about right or fair, you should focus on what you're feeling. Normal girls have girl friends to talk to. I know that I'm not a girl, but I am a friend. I'll fill the role the best that I can … if you'll let me. Or, you know, you could always discuss your feelings with Komui."

"You wouldn't dare!" Lenalee exclaimed, resisting the urge to hit him over the head with her pillow. "He's the last person I'd tell."

"Yeah, I wouldn't do that to you. But seriously, why don't you give talking things out a try?"

Lenalee felt her desire for solitude crumble, as she considered Lavi's offer. "Okay," she said after a moment's hesitation. "But I'm counting on you to keep everything I tell you in the strictest of confidence."

"Of course," Lavi responded. "You can count on me." He raised a hand and held out a pinky expectantly to her. She matched his gesture and joined their pinkies together in an unspoken bond and promise.

"So," Lavi started. "Does Allen really understand how often he's leaving on these missions?"

"Doesn't he have to?" Lenalee asked. "He's here for a day, gone for two, here for three, gone for four…"

"You know Allen feels more for Akuma than either you or I ever could. He has seen the soul of every Akuma he has come in contact with. I've only seen one, and that was enough for me."

"I understand that, and so I try not to fault him for that. I really try to be lenient," Lenalee attempted to explain her position.

"But you do so at the expense of your emotional well-being," Lavi countered. "You suppress what you're thinking and feeling, which isn't fair to either of you. I mean, you obviously don't get out what you're feeling, which results in you begrudging him for getting everything he wants. Even if you don't think that you're begrudging him, I can assure you that you are subconsciously."

"I think he knows. Today he asked if I was lonely, and then he apologized. That doesn't exactly sound like a guy who doesn't know what I'm feeling."

"How did you reply? Did you just brush it off, or did you tell him that you were lonely and specify why you feel the way you do."

Lenalee thought back to the conversation. "I … think I told him 'maybe'."

"'Maybe' is not a definite affirmative. You should try to explain it clearly, like how you were breaking down his days at headquarters and away form headquarters."

"I've told him before," Lenalee said softly. "Just today, I thought I was getting through to him."

"What did you guys talk about?" Lavi asked.

Lenalee hesitated. It was the first time she was about to discuss her personal life with someone else, and she still felt a little strange about it. However, she had always wanted someone to confide in, and Lavi was offering himself to be that confidant. Coming to the decision that she truly trusted Lavi, she loosened the lock on her emotions decided that it would be best to be completely honest. "After he apologized for making me lonely, he tried to explain how the civilians and Akumas alike needed him. And I understand; I've always understood that part about him… So why is it so difficult when he leaves?"

"Sometimes we aren't aware of things that we need right away," Lavi told her. "Compromises can be made and should be made in any good relationship, though."

Lavi was being so supportive, and Lenalee really appreciated his efforts. However, she just couldn't get something that happened today out of her mind. "I told him that I needed him today, and he still left," she said softly. The tears welled up in her eyes again, and she drew her knees in close to her body and rested her forehead on them. The last thing she needed was for him to see her crying.

From next to her, Lenalee heard a heavy sigh, and the next thing she knew, a warm arm pulled her in for a brief but comforting hug. "I'm sorry that you're going through painful times, but you need to talk to him. You really need to be honest with him about what you're feeling."

"But I can't!" Lenalee cried out, her voice breaking with emotion. Taking a breath, she continued with wide, piteous eyes. "I can't limit his freedom. He needs it, and I won't be the one to take it from him. With the way I was brought to the Order…" she trailed off, as she recalled painful memories about how her own liberty had been snatched from her, when she had first entered the Order. Terror bubbled through her as she remembered the feel of thick restraints on her wrists… and of Leverrier's awful presence looming over her. When she tried to speak, her voice failed her. After pausing momentarily to collect herself, she returned back to the original topic. "I just can't be that person," she stated, feeling all of her energy drain out of her.

Sympathy flickered in Lavi's eye, and his features softened. She could tell he knew what she was referring to. He hesitated, as if he knew he needed to tread carefully around her emotions. Finally, he said, "What about your needs? Don't be unfair to yourself. Like I've told you before, it's okay to be selfish sometimes. This is one of the times you should definitely be selfish."

What Lavi was saying made perfect sense, and Lenalee wondered if he had always been so logical. "I guess you're right," she relented. With a deep breath, she asked, "Do you really think we'll be able to come to some sort of a compromise?" She lifted her head so she could look at him and make sure he wasn't lying to her.

"Honestly?" he asked, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I don't know, but it's worth a try, isn't it?"

He winked at her, and she felt something in her heart lighten. "You're right," she said, managing a watery smile. Drying her eyes and taking a few deep breaths calmed her frayed emotions. "I was just a little upset already and was making things worse in my head. Once Allen and I get the chance to talk, things will be better."

"Good girl," Lavi said, patting her on the head like an obedient puppy.

Lenalee couldn't help but giggle at his gesture. "Did you know that nii-san used to do that a lot?" she asked.

"Ehh, really?" Lavi asked, looking interested.

"Yeah!" Lenalee said, perking up. "When he first came here, I needed a lot of reassurance and a lot of cheering up. It… just felt really familiar."

"Well I'm glad to have helped." Lavi paused and scratched his head. "I only did it, because you seemed sort of like a child then."

"Hey!" Lenalee cried, grabbing a pillow and smacking him lightly with it. "You're only a couple of years older than me."

"But!" Lavi exclaimed in a comically exaggerated manner. "I have more than a couple years of wisdom on you."

He looked and sounded so ridiculous that Lenalee couldn't help but laugh at him. Torrents of giggles escaped her, and it felt wonderful. She hadn't felt so lighthearted and at ease for as long as she could remember. When she finally managed to stop laughing, she was short of breath, and her side hurt. "Thank you, Lavi," she told him, genuinely glad the other boy stopped by. "That's the hardest I've laughed in a while."

"It's good to see a smile on your face," he told her. "And with that, I should probably get out of your hair. I'm sure Allen will be back soon, and the two of you will have plenty of things to discuss."

"Yeah," Lenalee said, her mood sobering slightly. "I'm sure we will. But thank you for this, really."

"I'm just trying to be a good friend," Lavi said, grabbing his crutches and heading for the door.

Lenalee followed him, her attention drawn to his crutches. "Hey, you get rid of your cast soon, don't you?"

"In five days!" Lavi said, looking back at her with a smile. "I'm a bit bummed that I've had to have on for nearly eight weeks, but the time passed more quickly than I had imagined."

"I'd like to be there with you when you get if off … that is if you want some company," she offered, opening the door for him.

"Yeah, that'd be nice of you," he said, his grin widening. He turned around a looked down the hallway to his left. "Wow," he commented, "My timing is perfect."

Lenalee followed his gaze and saw that Allen was coming down the hall. As he neared her door, she waved. "Allen, come on in."

"I guess I really will take my leave now," Lavi said. "Lenalee. General Beansprout." He nodded with mock formality before heading on his way.

"It's ALLEN," Allen muttered through gritted teeth, as he shot Lavi an annoyed look.

As the red-headed boy retreated, he sent a wave back but didn't turn around.

"Come on in," Lenalee offered, inviting Allen in once more. For just a moment, the white-haired boy didn't move. A ripple of disquiet spread through Lenalee, as she caught a glimpse of an unaccustomed scowl on Allen's face. His narrowed eyes were focused on the path Lavi had taken.

**TBC**

Is some drama about to start? Only time will tell… =D

Thanks to everyone who's still reading… m(_______)m

I'll keep on doing my best!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Needs (Part 2)**

Tugging at Allen's arm, Lenalee finally got the young man to move into her chambers. The distracted look on his face finally faded when he turned his focus on her. "I'm home," he said ruefully. "Again."

"Welcome back. How was the mission?" she asked, making small talk as they headed towards her bed, so they could sit next to each other.

"Piece of cake," Allen said. "It took longer to get out there than it did to take care of the Akumas."

"So, are you going to stay put for a while?" she asked, sitting on her bed.

"What do you mean?" Allen asked, taking a seat beside her.

"Earlier today, I thought I had made it clear that I would like you to stay at Headquarters with me a little more."

"Right," Allen said, scratching his head. "I guess that I could slow down with the missions. You know me, though; I just like being active."

"I know, but there's a certain niceness about taking breaks, too."

"You could come with me, sometime," Allen suggested. "We used go on missions together all of the time."

Lenalee laughed. "You know how nii-san feels about that now that we're dating."

"He's going to have to trust me eventually," Allen said, a frown crossing his face.

"I think that he's taking the long path to that road," Lenalee told him. "But you have to admit that he has been a lot more understanding lately."

Allen nodded. "I don't feel any hostility anymore," he ventured.

"It's good that our relationship is developing, and I think that it's important that we spend time together more often to help it grow." In response to her statement, Lenalee was met with Allen's startled expression.

"I didn't realize it was bothering you so much," he said. "I thought you were okay with the way I am."

"And that's my fault," she told him. "I never let you know how much your constant absences bothered me, because I know how much you enjoy taking your time to help others."

"I do!" he said enthusiastically, perking at the change in topic. "There's this little town that I've passed through a few times that I absolutely love. They've been really unfortunate with Akuma attacks, but the people there are just so kind and resilient."

"I'm really happy that you find your work fulfilling," Lenalee told him. "I wouldn't ever want you to give up on it, but …"

"I get it," Allen responded with his normal, gentle smile. "I should stick around once in a while to spend time with my girl."

"That's all I'm asking for," she replied.

Placing a hand on her cheek, he forced her to look at him. With an earnest expression on his face, he said, "I'll be more mindful of your needs from now on."

"Good," she managed to say before he sealed his promise with a kiss.

The kiss started so suddenly that she could barely process what was happening, but soon all of her senses were engulfed with Allen – his scent, the light touch of his hand gently cupping her face, and the feel of lips moving against hers.

Friction. Heat. Spark. The embrace was tender and passionate at the same time, the warmth of it engulfing her like a flame. When they finally broke apart, Lenalee was certain that her heart was going to jump out of her throat. For a moment, they just stared at each other, transfixed by the residual energy that was humming between them. And then, as if perfectly in sync, she reached for him just as he moved in closer to her. Before she knew what was happening, she was falling back on her bed as she clutched at Allen's shirt, pulling him on top of her.

~*~*~*~*~

A week after she and Allen had made peace, Lenalee found herself sitting in the medical ward keeping Lavi company during his second session of physical therapy. These sessions were broken into two parts, the first, in which he worked by himself, and then a second, where a doctor worked with him.

Staying with him during these sessions was a task that the red-headed, young man cheerfully described as so boring that even his mentor didn't want to do it. However, Lenalee disagreed with Lavi's assessment, as it gave her alone time with her confidant and allowed her to provide invaluable support for him, too.

"Allen stuck around for six days this time," Lavi commented, leaning on one of the two support bars he was positioned between.

"Yeah," Lenalee admitted with a triumphant smile. "Long enough to see you get that cast of yours off. He wanted to be there with everyone to celebrate that."

"Ah, so you have me to thank," Lavi teased.

"It has been better, and I'm happy that we seem to be seeing more eye to eye. We've had a lot more time to connect."

"Connect," Lavi repeated with a raised brow. "Is that your euphemism for making out?"

Lenalee flushed. "T-there is some of that," she managed to get out. "But that's not exactly what I meant."

"Whew, good. If there wasn't, I would have been worried about you two," he told her with a little laugh.

"Glad to see that we're living up to your expectations," Lenalee said dryly.

Lavi laughed at her response. "So, when is he going to be back?"

"In a few days," Lenalee told him. "He's in this little town in Belgium. Actually, he's been there a couple of times before. For some reason, they've gotten really unlucky with Akuma attacks, but Allen really loves the people there."

Lavi opened his mouth to comment but was interrupted.

"Mou!" a young nurse said bustling into the room, hands on her hips. "You're supposed to try not using those support bars, Lavi. Try walking and strengthening that leg of yours!"

Lavi, startled by the intrusion, straightened and saluted the other young woman with a gamely smile. "Yes'm!"

"Try taking it seriously today," she told him, writing something down in a notebook. "You wouldn't want me telling the head matron about your failure to improve."

Lavi blanched at the threat. "You wouldn't, Nurse …"

"Hazel," the young woman supplied for him, blinking big, blue eyes and giving him a brilliant smile. "And, you" Hazel said, addressing Lenalee with a stern look. "Make sure he's actually trying." With that, she walked to the back, and exited through a connecting door.

"You heard the nurse!" Lenalee said, clapping her hands at Lavi as a signal that she meant business. "I want to see you take a couple of steps without supporting yourself with those parallel bars."

"Right, right," Lavi mumbled, turning so that he was placed in the middle of the parallel bars with one hand supporting his weight on each bar. After a pause and a deep breath, he took a tentative step. And then he took another, and another.

"Let go," she told him. "You can do it." She watched with bated breath as his grip loosened on the bars. Eyes focused Lavi, she could see a fine tremor run through his hands and arms as he let go of the bars altogether. She saw him take a step with his left leg and then set it down, putting pressure on it for the first time in two months. When Lavi's left knee buckled beneath his weight and his hands scrambled to grasp the poles on either side of him, she let out a gasp of concern and was immediately on her feet. Although Lavi didn't say anything as he held himself up with his arms, she could tell that his head was lowered in disappointment and frustration.

"Keep on trying," Lenalee encouraged. "Take it one step at a time. You may have to be patient, but I know you can do it." Hurrying over to his side, she helped him to his feet, letting him rest his weight on her.

Again, she whispered, "I know you can do it." Within her grip, she felt his legs wobble unsteadily, and it caused her heart to ache. She empathized with his situation, as she knew exactly what it felt like to lose mobility. So she put her energy into cheering Lavi on in what she was sure was going to be a tough task for him.

~*~*~*~*~

Lenalee found herself rushing out of the medical ward after Lavi's fifth session with the physical therapist. She barely had time to marvel at the progress her friend was making, because she was late meeting her brother and knew Komui wouldn't take the slight well. Breaking into a light jog, she hurried to her room to pick up some paperwork she had finished for him.

"Lenalee!" A familiar voice called, stopping her in her tracks.

"Allen!" she cried, whirling around. She scarcely had time to prepare for an embrace before he wrapped his arms around her enthusiastically and spun her around. "You're home early!" She could hear the delight in her voice, and when he rewarded her with a huge smile, she was sure he could, too.

"It's good to be home," Allen told her. "I missed you when I was gone."

"Really?" she asked, blinking innocently at him.

"Yeah, I really did. I don't think I tell you that enough."

"No, you don't," she responded, teasingly.

"I think that I've found a solution."

The strangely serious tone in his voice added gravity to his statement, and so she backed away from him so that they could converse in a more formal manner. "Yeah?"

"You know how I've been helping the villagers in that Belgian city rebuild their town?"

"Yes ..."

"Well, they've really taken a liking to me. They think that I'd make a good law enforcement agent of some sort… I don't know; they just sort of wanted me to stick around until they finish rebuilding their town. They told me that they feel so safe when I'm there, because I can exorcise Akumas. Plus, there has to be a reason why remaining Akuma are drawn there, maybe even undiscovered Innocence. I feel like it'd be useful if I was there."

He looked so excited and hopeful that Lenalee really wished that she could return his enthusiasm. However, all she could do was manage a hollow sounding, "Oh?" After a moment of silence, she noticed that Allen was still looking at her expectantly, as if he was waiting for her to say more. She obliged with her true thoughts, "You want to stay there ... long term?" She did not like where the conversation was heading.

"No -- well yes, but I want you to come with me. I realized in the past week or so how important you are to me, and I feel like an idiot for not realizing it earlier. I plan on leaving again tomorrow, and I'll probably end up staying for a few weeks, maybe even a few months. And... I really want you to come with me. Won't you come with me?"

He looked so earnest and sounded so sincere that Lenalee was overcome with emotion. Putting a hand to her mouth, she began to process the idea. Her and Allen together. He wanted her to stay with him. Maybe she had finally become someone irreplaceable to him, just like she always wanted to be. The man she loved was in front of her asking her to go away with him; the thought of it caused her body to tingle, her heart to race, and her breath to catch in her throat.

'_Yes,'_ she couldn't help but thinking. There was no other first reaction appropriate for the situation. The man she loved was beseeching her to stay with him. A euphoric, light-headed dizziness overwhelmed her senses and distorted her grasp on reality. It was as if she was in a fairy tale, and in fairy tales the couple always lived happily ever after. (She had read enough of them to know this was the case.) So, she opened her mouth to answer, to provide Allen with the response he wanted to hear, and to ensure her own happy ending.

At that moment, their conversation was interrupted. "Lenalee, you're late, so I came to check on you. I was wondering what could be keeping--" Komui broke off in mid-sentence.

Her brother's voice hit Lenalee like a sack of potatoes, grounding her senses and ending her dreamlike state. "Nii-san," she whispered. She had forgotten about him in her momentary bliss and couldn't believe that she had almost promised to leave her brother for months without giving it a second thought. He was so important to her. How could she have almost done something like that? She was horrified at the thought, and guilt wrapped around her heart like ribbon of cold steel.

"General Walker," Komui addressed. "I wasn't aware you were home."

"I just got in," Allen said, smiling back at the other man.

"Uhh, Nii-san ... I need to talk to Allen for a bit. I'll meet you down at your office in a few minutes. We can get lunch after that." Her gaze darting between Allen and Komui, she again weighed what leaving Headquarters in order to stay with Allen would really entail her to sacrifice.

"Ok," Komui responded without protesting.

Lenalee was grateful that her brother was being so agreeable. It was as if he could tell that she was in a precarious state of mind. "Thank you," she told him, waiting for him to leave before addressing Allen again.

With a sinking heart, she looked up at Allen and shook her head. "It sounds wonderful... to be with you, but I can't leave for months. And what happens when you're done with this town? Will you move on to another one that needs your help? I want a home that I can call home. And home is where all the people I love are."

The shock written on Allen's face showed that he hadn't fully thought through his earlier proposition. He recovered from it as best as he could. "We could come home and visit at times," he reassured, putting on a smile.

"Why can't you find a job around here in law enforcement or something?" she suggested. "That way you could help people and still stay at Headquarters with all of us."

"They need me over there," Allen responded without even hesitating.

"If I go with you on this trip, will you be able to promise me that we'll settle back down near Headquarters?"

Allen's eyes dimmed. "I-I can't do that."

"I know," she said, her heart wrenching painfully at the realization.

"Can't we just go together and leave the future to the future?"

She turned her head way from him. "I can't always be the one who gives..." she whispered softly.

"But I have to go," Allen stated simply, as if it was an unchangeable fact. "I've made bonds with people in that town, and I have to go help them."

"You have to do what you have to do," Lenalee replied, letting out a sigh. "...Even if it's not what I need you to do."

"I have to go," Allen said again, as if repeating the statement would get through to her.

And she finally understood. Even with their bond, their affections for one another, and their attraction to each other, they were very different people with very different needs. He needed his freedom and needed to help others more than he needed her company. And so she decided that there was no other option but to do the only thing she could for him; she would grant him his freedom.

"I wouldn't dream of trying to stop you," she told him, struggling to keep her voice steady. The tears were coming; she needed to leave before he had a chance to see them. Ducking her head, she turned her back to him. Now that she was no longer facing Allen, her resolve to keep her tears back faltered, and the first one fell. She took a step away from him. Another tear trickled down her face.

"We'll talk when I get back," Allen told her.

Lenalee froze at the empty promise. She couldn't deal with the emotional highs and lows anymore; she was simply too tired to put up with it any longer. Her emotions were worn, frazzled, and spent. Turning her head so that she could see his face and get her point across, she shook her head. "What's the point?" she asked, shrugging her shoulders. Before he had the chance to react, she ran from him, dashing as quickly as her Innocence would allow her, knowing very well that he would never catch her.

**TBC…**

Here's hoping you guys liked this chapter more than I did… Feel free to show like or dislike for it. XD;;;

(FYI: This fic is close to being finished. \(^o^)/ Only lots of editing is needed for the remaining chapters...)


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Decisions**

It was night time before Allen managed to track Lenalee down. After she had fled the scene of their previous conversation, she had taken a few moments to collect herself emotionally, and then had spent as much time as possible with Komui. Although she was sure that her brother knew something had been wrong (as she had chosen not to spend any time with Allen), he either hadn't asked because he was sensitive to what she was feeling, or he hadn't cared, since she was spending her time with him. It was late evening before she found herself without the company of others.

Returning to her chambers, she prepared for bed. It was only now, when she was alone, that she allowed herself to recall her discussion with Allen earlier that day. Feelings of hurt and loss coursed through her being, and she wondered if there was another way to deal with the situation that she hadn't considered yet. And then she thought about giving in to Allen's wishes. It would be so easy... But the real question was whether or not she could really leave Headquarters and feel comfortable with that decision? She wasn't sure that she could.

A knock at the door broke into her thoughts. "Who is it?" she called, even though she was sure that Allen was on the other side of the door. Her intuition was spot on.

"It's me, Lenalee," Allen responded softly. "Won't you talk to me?"

She walked to the door and sat down next to it, pulling her legs close to her chest. "I'll talk to you," she said. "But I won't let you in. I just think it will be more difficult for both of us if we see each other." What she didn't add was that she was sure that it would be much more difficult for her not to agree to go away with him if they were having a face-to-face conversation.

"Alright," Allen answered. "I… just wanted to ask if you'd give coming with me a second thought?"

Lenalee sighed as she mentally prepared herself to answer. After pausing momentarily, she started, "You have no idea how much I wish I could say yes, but I just can't. You realize that you're asking me to leave the life I've built with no reassurances that I'll ever return for good. I just… don't know if I can acquiesce to it and feel like I've made the right decision. I do love you, and it makes it so much harder." She had to take a break to swallow the thickness developing in the back of her throat. "I-I really wish I could, but something's holding me back and keeping me from saying yes… something that's telling me that I might regret making such a rash decision."

There was a moment of silence as Allen digested her words. When he spoke again, he sounded resigned. "I'm so sorry. I've been unfair to you. I never wanted to put you in a position to make such difficult decisions. And above all, I never meant to hurt you." He let out a sigh. "But I have, and it's inexcusable."

At the honesty and contriteness in his words and in the tone of his voice, Lenalee felt her first tear fall, and she was certain that on the other side of the door he was crying, too. "I know. I know. We just have different needs." Bitter tears trailed down her face, as she cursed their different needs and the fact that their love for one another wasn't enough to overcome them.

"I'm so sorry," he said, his voice a choked whisper. "I pushed your emotional wellbeing aside for so long. But, I really do love and care about you. Lenalee, you have to believe me."

"I do," she said. And she really did know that he cared deeply for her. "I'm just … so tired all of the time. I can't spend the rest of my days wondering when you're coming home. I'm just not built for that." She had to pause several of times to get the words to come out, as her free flowing tears distorted her ability to think, speak, and even breathe.

"And you shouldn't have to," Allen told her, his voice thick with emotion. "I really have been asking too much from you. You should be with someone who can give you more of what you want, even if that person isn't me."

With a heavy heart, Lenalee leaned her head against the door and tried to stifle her sniffling. '_Is this it?' _she asked herself. '_Are we broken up? Is this how a relationship ends?'_

"I'm sorry," she heard from the other side of the door. "Please forgive me." Dull thuds accompanied the plea, and Lenalee knew that he was placing his hands against the door, as if reaching out to her.

"You don't need to ask for my forgiveness," Lenalee told him, wiping her hands across damp cheeks. "Because you didn't do anything wrong. It's nobody's fault that we have different needs. We just do."

"Then this is it, isn't it?" he asked.

Lenalee wished that his voice didn't sound so resigned and lifeless. "Yeah," she replied softly. "I think that it'd be better for both of us… if we were both simply… free."

He tried one last time. "I can't help but think that we're making a mistake…"

"What else do you want?" Lenalee asked, unable to control herself. To get through to him, she needed to be harsh, even though it pained her take such a strict tone with him. In order for them to make a clean break, she knew that brutal truth was necessary, and so she allowed her frustrations of the last two months to guide her. "A little more time? I have to disagree. I think it'd be better to end things now, like adults, before we get any more attached to each other. It'll hurt less this way."

He was silent, but she knew that her words broke his heart, in the same manner that it broke hers to have to say them. After a long pause, he finally gave in. "Alright. I understand." He hesitated before continuing. "But tonight, can I stay outside of your door to keep you company? I want to be near you for at least tonight. When tomorrow comes, it'll be over, but for tonight, please let me be there for you like I never was able to before."

With that statement, whatever fragile control she had over her emotions shattered. Her breath caught in her throat as tears pushed themselves from her eyes and sobs wracked her body. She had never felt so wretched in her entire life and couldn't help but curling onto the floor and simply crying. Although she never provided an answer to Allen's request, she knew that he was sitting on the other side of her door feeling just as miserable as she was...

The next thing Lenalee was aware of was pulling herself off of the floor in the morning. Her throat felt dry and raw, and as she blinked her eyes, she could tell that they were swollen. Putting a hand to her face, she felt the pattern of carpet imprinted on her cheek, a result of her sleeping on the floor. Then, she remembered why she was sleeping next to her door. Cautiously, she opened the door and took a look outside. Allen was still lying there, fast asleep. Taking a tentative step towards him, Lenalee couldn't help but crouch down next to him.

Allen always looked young and angelic when he slept, since it was when he was asleep that others could not see the wisdom of his hard life reflected in his eyes. Strands of fine, white hair lay across his cheek and forehead, and she couldn't help herself from reaching out to brush them out of his face. Before she touched him, she stopped herself. It was no longer her place to have such contact with him; it was no longer her right to trace her fingertips across his branded cheek. And so she remained motionless, frozen with indecision between doing what felt natural to her and doing what she knew she mustn't do.

Suddenly, Timcanpy was squeezing out from underneath one of Allen's arms, tugging at his master. Before she could pull away, Allen opened his eyes. "Lenalee," he said, his voice a sleepy murmur. "You're here." He smiled sweetly at her.

There was a purity in his expression that tugged at Lenalee's heart and made her want to tell him that last night was a mistake and that they really did belong together, but she knew she simply couldn't do it (precisely because of the reasons they discussed last night). Instead, she allowed herself to stay still for just a moment longer in order to gather her bearings so that she would be able to take the actions she knew she had to take. "I was just about to wake you up," she managed to get out, in an attempt to normalize the situation. "We wouldn't want anybody else to know you spent the night here."

The light and energy he normally exuded dimmed, as the expression on his face grew mournful. "Right," he whispered. "I guess I should get ready to leave on my trip."

That was all Lenalee needed to hear to strengthen her resolve. "Yes, you should." With that, she stood up and returned to her room, shutting the door behind her before collapsing on the floor in a miserable heap.

Allen Walker headed to Belgium later that day on a self-appointed, Grand General approved mission. Lenalee was there to send him off with a smile and a wave, just like everyone else who was still residing at Headquarters. Afterwards, she shut herself in her room and cried for most of the day. It was the first time she chose not to make an appearance at Lavi's appointment with the physical therapist, and she could tell that her friend was worried about her. She told him that she just needed time to adjust to the fact that Allen was going to be away for so long, because she didn't have the heart to tell him that they had decided that ending their relationship was for the best. It was the first time she had lied to him since he had become her confidant, and she felt badly about it.

Dusk had fallen before anybody came to check up on her. When a knock sounded at her door, Lenalee felt ready to deal with others, as she was positive that she had run out of tears to cry during the course of the day. She was sure that maintaining a calm demeanor would be able to convince others of her emotional stability as well. Upon opening the door, she saw Lavi on the other side and realized that she wasn't surprised. "Hi," she said. "Sorry I wasn't there for you earlier; I just sort of felt a little weird about Allen leaving." She managed a weak smile.

After surveying her briefly, Lavi wordlessly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "What happened?" he asked.

Lenalee was a bit shocked that she was so transparent; she had really tried not to show that she was hurting. However, she knew that if anybody could see through the façade of her lies, it was Lavi. "I'm sorry," she whispered back, feeling tears that she wasn't expecting spill out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

Lavi released her, "Hey, hey, there's nothing to be sorry about. Just tell me what's wrong. What happened?"

Lenalee shook her head. "No, I'm really sorry… I wasn't honest with you earlier, and I'm really sorry that I lied to you, especially when you've been so good to me."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lavi asked, gently pushing his way into her room, so that she couldn't refuse his proposal.

"I guess," she answered weakly, gesturing for him to take a seat at a chair that was near her bed. She sat down on the bed in a manner that she faced Lavi. "I guess you can tell that we broke up."

"I thought things had been going better," Lavi commented, his voice gentle and soothing.

"That was all superficial," Lenalee responded, wiping her fingers across her cheeks. "Nothing was really being fixed."

"Would you like to elaborate?" he asked.

"He wanted me to go with him."

Lavi inhaled sharply.

Lenalee repeated. "He wanted me to go with him." She shrugged and turned her tearful gaze to Lavi. "He made it clear that he wouldn't consider not leaving today. And I just couldn't leave everyone else, not when he couldn't guarantee that we'd ever come back to the area near Headquarters at some point to settle down."

"Oooh, Lenalee, that's rough." In a split second, he was out of his chair, kneeling in front of her and putting his hands on top of hers.

"It just hurts…" she whispered. "We both love each other, so I just don't understand how everything ended like this."

"I really don't know what to tell you," Lavi said. "Sometimes people… just aren't compatible with one another. There's nobody to blame; that's just the way things are. It's just going to suck for a while, and then you'll feel better, eventually."

"Really?" she asked, unable to imagine feeling anything but what she was feeling – emotionally hurt and empty on the inside.

"Yeah, I guarantee it. Your wounds will heal with time. I'll be here for you, as long as you want me around. I'll talk with you; I'll listen. I'll even sit here and keep you company while you cry, if that's what you want. I'll willingly be the person you show your sad emotions to, so that you can show Komui a smile. If you want to be alone, too, all you have to do is tell me to leave. I'll understand; no hurt feelings on my side."

Lenalee's hands, placed on top of her knees, clenched ever so slightly under Lavi's. "I-I don't want you to leave," she said, making her decision. "I don't want to be alone right now. Can you just sit here with me?"

"Absolutely," he said. "I'll be here until you tell me to leave."

"Thank you, Lavi," she said, managing to give him a watery smile.

"No need to thank me. This is what friends do for each other."

Lenalee thought Lavi's assessment was slightly off and understated the amount of caring expressed in his actions. '_This is what __**great**__ friends do for each other,_' she corrected mentally. Although she didn't voice her thoughts aloud, she sat there with Lavi by her side feeling grateful for his company.

**TBC**

Four more chapters to go… I hope you guys will all enjoy reading until the end! I'll do my best to put out the best final product that I can. m(___)m


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes: **I know, long time, no update. Personal life stuff has really taken away my free time and energy to write. (Actually, I still feel as if I should be relaxing and doing nothing... XD;;) However, some people I know have made some comments that have made me think I should go ahead and finish this up...

Is the real emotional drama about to start???

**Chapter 12: Stolen**

A little more than two weeks had passed since Allen had left for Belgium, and Lenalee had, as Lavi was fond of putting it, "finally found her real smile again."

She had to admit that her spirits were much better now than they had been immediately following Allen's departure, and a lot of that was attributed to Lavi. They had a wonderful friendship in which they both gave as much as they took. She used his gentle emotional support to come to terms with how her relationship with Allen had ended, and he used her steadfast encouragement to help keep a positive attitude at his physical therapy sessions, which in turn helped him in rehabilitating his leg.

As the two of them walked around Headquarters slowly (with her carrying his crutches just in case he needed them), they chatted with one another about recent events involving those who were a part of the Order. In fact, currently, they were discussing Allen.

"Hyaaaaaa, when Komui found out that you and Allen had broken up, I thought he was going to reach across the phone and strangle Allen!" Lavi commented in lively tones.

Lenalee laughed in response and thought that it was a good sign that her initial reaction was good-humored. It was an indication that she was on the road to being emotionally healed. "Yeah. It was just pure luck that I was there to explain that nothing really bad had happened between us."

"I can't believe that he actually mentioned the break-up to Komui during one of his weekly report!" Lavi exclaimed. "How did that topic even come up?"

Lenalee let out a sigh of mock-frustration and shrugged her shoulders. "That wasn't the problem. The problem was that he mentioned it to nii-san even before I had a chance to." She rolled her eyes.

She hadn't meant to hide the breakup from her brother and her friends at Headquarters (with the exception of Lavi). It was just that she had wanted to get a handle on her emotions before she dealt with the reactions of others. Only her sixth sense had allowed her to intercept the phone call between Allen and her brother at the critical moment.

Like she had expected, following Allen's call, the news of their breakup had spread through Headquarters like a locust infestation, and she had received many messages of condolences as well as probing questions from the nosy. She had managed to evade most of the deeper questions by giving general, non-detailed answers. The only person who had been privy to the absolute truth was Lavi, and Lenalee felt that the fewer number of people that knew the details the better. Thinking about the breakup still struck a sore spot in her core, and so she knew that it was imperative for her to change the subject.

"So," she started. "It seems like you haven't had to use your crutches very much in the last couple of days we've been walking."

"Yeah!" Lavi exclaimed, perking at her observation.

"It's just lucky that you have the Matron, Nurse Hazel, and myself to go on all of these walks with you," she said, poking fun at him.

"Yeah, but you're my favorite person to walk with," Lavi said, giving her a dazzling smile.

"And I'm sure you've said the same thing to the Matron and Nurse Hazel as well."

"Well, maybe," he admitted. "But you're the only one I'm being honest with." He laughed, as if he didn't expect her to believe him.

"Why don't you try that line on Nurse Hazel," Lenalee suggested. "I think she might be a little interested in you."

Lavi laughed again. "I got that impression, too, but, nah, she's not my type."

Lenalee quirked an eyebrow at him. "You have a type?" she asked.

"Sure!" he said, looking slightly offended. "Just because I love beautiful women doesn't mean that I'm not picky on what I'd really want in a girlfriend."

"Sorry," Lenalee apologized, holding up a hand as a sign of surrender. "I shouldn't have judged you so quickly."

Lavi's visible eye focused on her momentarily, before he broke the intense gaze with his familiar easy-going smile. "Soo, how about we do something to celebrate me being crutch-free?" he suggested.

Lenalee was startled by the change in topic and quickly tried to process the different direction of the conversation.

"Somewhere we can do a lot of walking," Lavi suggested. "That way I can prove to you that you are my favorite person to walk with." He winked at her.

"Alright, alright," Lenalee agreed easily. On an impulse, she added, "Who am I to take away your victory lap?" She stuck out her tongue at him teasingly, and he laughed it off easily. This was what was so great about their friendship – the fact that they were absolutely comfortable around each other. The banter between them was so natural. It felt positively uplifting and freeing to have a friend that really understood her and could put her at ease. In turn, she provided a similar emotional support. Between them, everything was a perfect balance of give and take.

"So tomorrow, then," Lavi was saying, unaware that Lenalee had spaced out.

"Huh?" she asked, her attention snapping back to Lavi. "Oh, yes. Wonderful. Tomorrow."

"Let's go into town," he suggested.

"Into town?" she repeated slowly. The last time she was in town was when she and Allen had gone there and had shared so many wonderful memories. She hesitated.

"Why not?" Lavi asked. "Where better to prove my walking prowess? It'll be fun, like a support thing for both of us."

Lenalee studied Lavi's face as he spoke. There was something strangely reassuring about his smile that told her he knew that he would be forcing her to face her any lingering emotions she might still be harboring for Allen and that it would be a growing experience for her, too.

Putting on her bravest smile, Lenalee said, "Alright. Let's do it." Raising her fist, she held it up towards Lavi. He returned likewise, rapping his knuckles lightly against hers.

"That's what I like to hear!"

~*~*~*~*~

The next day, Lenalee headed out to town with Lavi (after reassuring her brother several times that their outing was _not_ a date in any respect). However, once she set foot in the downtown area with its shops and restaurants, she wondered where her bravado of the previous day had gone. The last time she had been here, she had been full of hope and excitement, and now only ghosts of good memories haunted her. It cheapened those cherished memories she had of her and Allen together, and she wasn't sure what bothered her more, the fact that her memories felt tarnished or the fact that she still cared. Letting out a breath, she forced herself to walk with Lavi.

The red-headed boy was doing everything in his power to cheer her up. She could tell by how he kept on pointing out little things – like the cloudless, jewel-blue sky and the blooming flowers - to distract her from her own mind. She appreciated his efforts, and so she tried to focus her attention on him. Lowering her gaze, she focused on his legs, watching him take healthy, solid steps. "You're doing a great job today. I think you're pretty much healed." She must have said the right thing, because she was rewarded with a big grin, which warmed her heart.

"Yeah!" he responded, enthusiastically. "It feels great not to need my crutches, not to feel like I can't carry my own weight."

"I understand that," Lenalee said, thinking back to when she had lost use of her Innocence and her mobility. Without even thinking about it, she put a hand on his arm and patted it reassuringly. "I'm really proud of the way that you've handled everything. It's hard not to get discouraged, and you never really did."

"Well, I had a lot of support from you… the Matron, the nurses, and really everyone at Headquarters."

"We all wanted to see you up and on your feet again," she returned.

"So," he said, changing the subject. "What would you like to do today?"

Shrugging, she replied, "I hadn't really thought about it. I figured we'd do what you wanted to do. It's really your celebration."

"Shopping?" he suggested. "Maybe you can get something for Komui. Or eating. Eating is always good."

"Do all guys love food?" she asked.

Lavi laughed. "I think so, but some more than others, definitely."

Lenalee opened her mouth to comment, but her attention focused on a familiar figure – the flower peddler whom Allen had purchased her first romantic gift from. Immediately, her good mood deflated.

Lavi instantly picked up on her changing mood and asked, "Lenalee, what's wrong?"

When she finally managed to turn her eyes to him, she saw that his gaze had followed hers to her previous target. "He bought you a flower when you guys went into town." Even though Lavi couldn't have known that fact with any certainty, there was conviction in his voice. With a heavy sigh, Lavi started again. "I didn't bring you down here to make you feel sad by recalling happy memories you shared with Allen. I … wanted you to get another set of memories of this area."

Lenalee lowered her lashes and ducked her head. "I know. I just saw her and got all nostalgic. Just sometimes, I think back to how happy we were, and I still don't understand why it didn't work out." She felt as if a hole was opening in her stomach and threatening to swallow her whole.

"You guys gave it your all. You can't blame yourself, and you can't really blame him. It just … didn't work out, and you see that in the end you just weren't compatible. Right?"

"Yeah," she said, shaking her head. "I know you're right. I lived through that sort of a relationship for months, and it was frustrating to feel like I didn't matter enough to him." Even as she spoke, she heard the tremor in her voice.

"Ooh, Lenalee, you shouldn't think about it that way."

"I know, I know!" she exclaimed covering her face with her hands. "I feel like a terrible person admitting I have those kinds of negative feelings. I'm awful for even thinking it at all." Before she knew what was happening, Lavi had pulled her hands away from her face and tugged her into a tight hug.

"You shouldn't think like that, either. You can't help the way you feel. Don't bottle it up; you can talk to me. I'll listen to you, and I won't judge. But just don't tear yourself up inside."

His soothing hug and his supportive words caused her heart to swell. And she couldn't understand why she deserved his kindness. "Why are you being so nice?" Her lips trembled, and her eyes started to burn with unshed tears.

"I'm naturally nice to everyone," he told her, giving his easy-going smile. When his gaze met hers, his good-humor dropped off his face, as if something in her expression changed his approach on dealing with the situation. Tentatively, he wet his lower lip. "Honestly? I think that you're a very special girl."

Those words lifted her spirits. Although she was blinking down tears, she was giving him a genuine smile. "That's … very nice of you to say that. And here I thought it was that you were feeling sorry for me all these years." She made the last comment in mock-jest, even though such thoughts had crossed her mind before.

His embrace on her loosened and he took a step away from her, a look of shock on his face. "Why would you think something like that?"

Without Lavi's arms around her, Lenalee felt surprisingly chilled. She shrugged, feeling guilty and embarrassed that her careless words had hurt him. "I don't know. I guess it was when we first saw each other when you were new to the Order. You and Bookman were standing with my brother looking down on me after… that terrible, terrible mission." **

"You're mistaken about that," he told her softly. "I … thought you looked very noble and caring that day."

Lenalee found herself at a loss for words. That wasn't something she was expecting. The oddly serious look on Lavi's face caused her pulse to race. There was something about the way his green eye was locked on her face, as if he had something important to say. "La…vi…?" she asked, tilting her head.

"I've always thought you were special," he whispered, taking a step closer. He raised a hand and let his fingers weave through the strands of hair hanging next to her left cheek. Lightly, his fingertips trailed through the length of her hair. When she said nothing, he took the liberty to lay his right hand across her left cheek, his palm resting against her jawline. "Don't tell me that you didn't know on some level."

And suddenly she was drawn to Lavi in a way she had never been before. Perhaps it was his emotionally charged words or his intense gaze; whatever the reason, she had never felt this close to him in her entire life. In that proximity, she could see clearly see his image of her reflected in that clear, green eye of his. She opened her mouth to speak, but the breath caught in her throat preventing her from doing anything. And so she stood, transfixed, lips parted and breath shallow, as Lavi brushed his thumb across her lower lip. Her heart danced wildly in her chest, as all ability to think left her. And then he simply lowered his head and touched his lips to hers softly.

Once the contact was made, Lenalee swore her heart stopped momentarily before pounding roughly against her ribcage. Warmth flushed through her system, and her stomach fluttered with butterflies. She wasn't supposed to feel anything like that, not with Lavi. The emotions that washed over her provided enough of a shock to her system that her stupor lifted, and she acted instinctively. Pushing him away, she covered her mouth with the back of her left hand. "What are you doing?" she hissed, looking around. "We're in public, and that's not the kind of relationship we have."

"Maybe it should be," he countered, crossing his arms across his chest.

"But we're friends, good friends. I… just… No!" She shook her head, sending strands of silky, dark hair flying around her shoulders. Her brain was running as quickly as ants in a disturbed anthill. "Y-you can't just _do_ that to a girl with no warning."

"Did you not feel anything?"

Lenalee's face burned at his question. "That's not the point," she answered tightly.

"Isn't it?" Lavi asked.

"I'm not ready for … _this_ yet. You of all people should know."

"I think you're wrong about the timing." His voice was controlled and confident.

Lenalee could tell that he was adamant in his opinion by the way his jaw was squared stubbornly. Suddenly, she felt his hands close around her shoulders, as he gazed deeply into her eyes.

"I think you are ready," he said. "You are right about one thing - that I would know more than anybody else." His grip tightened on her shoulders. "Since the first time I met you, I always tried to be what you needed. Back in the past, you needed another older brother figure, so that's what I tried to become for you. And then, you just needed a friend you could trust, and so I became that. But you don't need that anymore. You need someone to love and to cherish you. Let me be what you need!" His voice held nothing but conviction, and his visible eye burned brightly with raw emotion.

The passion in his voice and gaze were both things that Lenalee was not accustomed to seeing in the usually cool and playful Lavi. Biting her lip, she felt herself on the brink of an emotional overload. "I-I can't even process this. I-I just have to go and be by myself… to think. I'm sorry, Lavi." Turning her back on him, she walked away from him, heading back towards Headquarters.

"Just think about it," Lavi called to her retreating back.

Although Lenalee didn't say anything, she pressed the tips of her forefinger and middle finger to her lips, recalling the warmth she felt when he had kissed her, knowing very well that she would be thinking about nothing but their kiss for the immediate future.

** I always sort of thought this was the first time Lavi and Lenalee saw each other from the way it was portrayed in the manga... I could be wrong (wouldn't be the first time)... XD;;

**TBC** (Shortly after now, I hope... *crosses fingers*)


	13. Chapter 13

I'm really trying to keep up my resolve to finish up this fic. I think the developments in this chapter are… surprising? XD;;

**Chapter 13: Return**

After returning to Headquarters, Lenalee found herself lying in her bed listlessly. Although her body was tired, her mind was active. Lavi's actions that afternoon were so completely unexpected that she found herself reeling in the aftermath.

How long had he truly harbored feelings for her? Had she subconsciously known about it, as he had accused her of earlier that day? Shaking her head, she attempted to clear her mind of the thoughts that were plaguing her, but to no avail. Inevitably, her thoughts returned to earlier that day, when Lavi had looked at her with such intensity that it had held her completely captive. She shivered at the memory. The fact that she had this reaction to Lavi bothered her. She had never perceived herself to be emotionally fickle. However, here it was only two weeks after she and Allen had broken up, and her mind was already filled with thoughts of someone else.

The knocking on her chamber door interrupted her self analysis. Caught off guard, she froze at the sound. More pounding followed after a brief pause.

"Lenalee," Lavi said from the other side of the door. "If you're there, please talk to me. I want to apologize for what happened."

She crept quietly towards the door, curious as to what such an apology would entail. Standing in front of the door, she stood and waited.

"Lenalee, open the door, please," Lavi said, knocking harder, as if he knew that she was standing across from him, and that the only thing separating them was door.

Pursing her lips, she kept her silence, choosing not to answer and choosing to wait for his promised apology.

"I can see your feet through the crack between the bottom of the door and the floor," Lavi commented dryly.

Mentally, Lenalee scolded herself for getting caught.

"Please hear me out," Lavi pleaded.

Since she had already been discovered, she didn't think that she had much of a choice but to let him in. Slowly, her hand reached for the knob, and just as slowly, she let the door swing open in front of her. "What is it?" she asked quietly. "What is it that you have to say?"

He looked contrite, a bit of wistfulness shining in his visible green eye. "I'm sorry that… I messed things up between us. It's my fault, and I wish I could undo things."

Lenalee's mind processed Lavi's statement carefully, focusing on the actual wording he had chosen to use. "You're sorry… that things are messed up," she started slowly. "But… you aren't sorry that you did it, are you?"

Lavi pressed his lips together and said nothing.

"You never said that you regretted kissing me," Lenalee prodded, being more forceful.

"Should I?" he asked, looking away. "Because I really don't. I was just hoping that you'd be able to accept me."

His honesty prompted her own. "Oh, Lavi," she breathed. "I'm just not ready. I feel like I'm not ready."

"Can I ask you a question? And will you be honest with me?"

His expression looked guarded, and it pained her that he felt that it was necessary to ask for her honestly. "Sure, Lavi," she said, knowing that she owed him at least that much.

"Did you feel anything… in town today?"

Lenalee opened her mouth to speak, and then hesitated. "I'm not sure," she said with a helpless shrug. Even as she said the words, the thought of the sudden kiss caused her cheeks to grow warm. "You just really caught me off guard."

"If I did this…" He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on the junction where her jawline met her neck. "Do you feel anything other than friendship?" he whispered.

Lenalee's lips trembled as she attempted to speak. "I…" Her voice stuck in her throat as his fingers moved across her throat in a gentle caress. She felt as if she should push him away, as if she should scold him for doing something like that when other people could be watching. But the words wouldn't come; her body refused to move. What was it about a serious and emotionally sincere Lavi that robbed her of control over her own motions? She couldn't figure it out, and so she stood rooted in place, feeling the blood rushing through her system and hearing the sound of her pounding heart ringing clearly in her ears. Although she was sure she wasn't ready for another relationship, she couldn't reject him with certainty. "I… can't say "no"," she told him, lowering her gaze. "But, Lavi, I…"

"You don't feel ready. I understand." He removed his hand from its resting place at the side of her neck.

Lenalee let out the breath she didn't know that she was holding with a loud woosh. Now that he was no longer touching her, she could feel her jumbled nerves calm down.

Lavi laughed at her reaction and gave her his most charming smile. "Can I ask you for a favor?"

Suspiciously, Lenalee turned her gaze towards him once more. "I'm not sure," she answered with a shaky breath.

"I'm not asking for much. I just want you to spend time with me, like you've been doing before."

"Just that?" she asked, surprised. She hadn't considered changing their friendship.

"Well, that… while keeping in mind my feelings for you. Let's call is pseudo-dating," he suggested.

"So, how is that really different from what we've been doing before?"

"Well, I guess, I'd like you to think of the time we spend together as dating. But we won't do anything really different." He winked at her. "So that means no kissing."

She flushed at the thought.

"Well, at least not until you're ready. I'll be patient with you; I promise. I just want you to keep an open mind. Your time and an open mind… for one month is what I'm asking for. Just give me a chance to win your heart over. This way, you won't have to tell anybody anything until you're sure of your own feelings. I just want you to seriously consider moving on… with me."

"So, one month with the mindset of us dating?"

"That's all I'm asking for. Can you do that?"

He looked so serious and sincere that it tugged at something in her heart. "I think I can try," she managed with a watery smile.

~*~*~*~*~

Two weeks had passed since Lavi and Lenalee had begun pseudo-dating. Although some of their peers commented how they were spending more time together, she could truthfully say that they weren't dating. She was glad for that, since she hated lying to people and frankly was terrible at it.

Currently, the two of them were sitting on a couch in a common room enjoying a cup of coffee and looking through a book of General Tiedoll's drawings, which was set between them.

"His landscapes really are beautiful," Lenalee breathed, running a finger across the edge of a page.

"It's like you're really there," Lavi agreed. He turned the page and laid his hand on hers.

She smiled at the warmth and sense of security it provided. This was as physically intimate as he allowed himself to be with her. It wasn't as if he didn't want to touch her more. She could tell by the way his gaze lingered on her that'd he love nothing more, but he was respectful her boundaries. At times like this, she had to admit that she had grown accustomed to his company. Slowly, she felt as if he was truly getting through to her. His kindness and attentiveness was something she hadn't experience before (except through Komui, but the situation wasn't really the same).

Lavi made her feel warm, loved, and appreciated, and she enjoyed that he helped her feel good herself. She had a certain fondness for him, too, and wanted to do things to cause him to smile at her and to look at her with that special tenderness. He made it clear that just spending time with her made him happy, and she really wanted to make him happy. They were growing together and becoming closer that way.

Her affections for Lavi, although as real as her affections for Allen had been, were different. With Lavi, she felt warmth and comfort. When she had been dating Allen, she had felt electrified with nervous energy.

Was she growing to love Lavi? She thought that she was, but she couldn't be sure. How could she be certain about something like this, when she had only been in love once before, and it had felt so different? Still, she couldn't help but marveling at the emotion of love itself. How differently her feelings manifested themselves for Allen and for Lavi, only to result in what she thought was the same conclusion.

In deep reverie, she couldn't help but think back to the past two weeks and how Lavi had slowly but surely integrated himself as a steady fixture in her life. Lenalee's eyes narrowed, as she realized that it hadn't just been the past two weeks… He had always been kind to her. She had thought this many times before, and just now events flashed through mind: Lavi's patience with her fragile mental state and her immobility after her battle with the Level 3 Akuma, Lavi's companionship when she had been faced with Inspector Leverrier's presence upon returning to Headquarters with General Cross, Lavi's advice throughout her relationship with Allen, and then Lavi's support after her and Allen's breakup. How had she not fully appreciated the depth of his attentiveness before now? It seemed so clear in retrospect. With a rueful smile, Lenalee found her thoughts returning to the more recent past, specifically the last two weeks.

Their "pseudo" relationship had started innocently enough – meals with comfortable conversation or time spent in the library. Lavi was one of the few people that Lenalee had met that read more than she did. Although it shouldn't have been a surprise to her, due to his inclination for history, she had still been shocked when he had talked in excited tones about some of her favorite novels and authors. At that moment, they had formed another bond, one that she had not been expecting. Smiling, she recalled how he was constantly asking her about her dreams, her hopes, and her aspirations. She had never focused so much on herself in her entire life, and something about it felt nice.

True to his word, during the last couple of weeks, he had been patient with her as she attempted to sort out her emotions. There was only once when he had tried to initiate physical contact, a simple placing of his hand against her arm. When she had pulled away from his touch, she had felt guilty. He had only been trying to comfort her… How it must have hurt his feelings to have her recoil from him, but he hadn't even flinched when she had rebuffed his gesture of affection. He kept on smiling and talking, as if nothing had happened. Afterwards, he had used her cues as a hint to tell what type of contact she was comfortable with, such as only allowing himself to initiate hand-to-hand contact after the first time she had grasped at his hand with her own. If she was honest with herself, it wasn't as if she didn't want to feel Lavi's touch or that she didn't enjoy their small physical intimacies. It was more that she felt as if she would have more trouble denying that they were dating if she allowed him to kiss her and to hold her like Allen had once done.

And suddenly, two weeks of such pseudo-dating had passed, and now she couldn't imagine not spending some time with Lavi everyday… just talking and building that connection and rapport between them. It was nice, nice in a way she hadn't been counting on, and she couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. Warmth enveloped her as she watched Lavi talk in excited tones.

"I'd love to see this, sometime," he said, pointing at one of General Tiedoll's sketches.

Although he didn't say it aloud, Lenalee was sure that "with you" was clearly attached to that statement. She didn't know why she was sure, but she was convinced of it as if it were an unshakeable fact. He really cared about her. She had always known it but hadn't realized how deep his feelings ran until recently. And she had to admit that he was winning her over… Maybe he had already won her over. Since she had agreed to start pseudo-dating Lavi, she hadn't had the chance to feel lonely, a fact she was thinking that she should make him aware of.

"Hey, Lavi," she said, interrupting his chatter with her thoughts.

"Hmm?" he asked, tilting his head towards her.

"I just wanted to thank you for the last two weeks. The way you've treated me has really helped me heal, emotionally."

Lavi's smile widened at her kind words, and that happy look on his face caused her heart to skip a beat.

"I like treating you well, Lenalee," he said simply. "I'd love to do it for as long as you'd let me…" He let his sentence hang and looked at her expectantly.

"Oh, Lavi," she said after a moment of silence. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest. Was this the time? He was always so kind and sincere, and she felt so safe and comfortable with him. She felt as if she could be herself, and nothing was more important than that. Her mind fogged as she was pulled in by Lavi's intense gaze, a reflection of his pure-hearted feelings for her. She couldn't help but responding in like.

"Oh, Lavi," she whispered again, her voice low with emotion.

'_Just tell him what he wants to hear,'_ her mind urged her. '_You know you want to. He can protect your heart. He wants to…'_

As she opened her mouth to speak, something stopped her. The feeling of a familiar presence at the door kept the words from leaving her mouth.

"Hello, Lenalee… Lavi, I'm home."

That calm, polite, well-mannered voice - she would recognize it anywhere. "Al…len," she whispered, her wide-eyed gaze swinging towards the door.

"Lenalee," he said, again, addressing her with a slightly melancholy smile.

Her heart jumped to her throat. The way he said her name still had an affect on her. She closed her eyes and lowered her head, as a chill ran through her body.

"Allen," Lavi said cheerfully. "How are things going? It's rare to see you back here."

Lenalee knew Lavi well enough to know that the cheer was faked.

Allen threw a smile just as a false as Lavi's cheer in the red-headed boy's direction. "It's going alright."

Lenalee watched in a horrified silence as Allen's gaze darkened when he saw Lavi's hand on hers.

Lavi must have caught Allen's expression, too, because his grip on her hand tightened.

Suddenly, Lenalee felt incredibly awkward and uncomfortable with Lavi clinging to her hand while Allen's eyes were focused on her.

"May I speak with Lenalee alone?" Allen asked. Although his voice still having its usual pleasant timber, his gaze was cold and hard.

Lavi hesitated, a stubborn light sparking in his eye.

'_He's going to say "no",' _Lenalee thought, eyes widening at the realization. She needed to circumvent the possible conflict that Lavi's response would cause.

"Lavi, please?" she asked, looking him in the eye.

Lavi squared his jaw as if preparing for a fight but eventually relented. "If that's what you want," he whispered. With that, he left the room stiffly, not even looking at Allen when passed the other boy.

After Lavi left, Lenalee saw Allen visibly relax. His squared shoulders lost their rigidity, and his upright posture slackened.

He took a seat next to her. "That's better." He gave her his normal, sweet smile.

Lenalee sat with her hands folded in her lap, choosing to say nothing.

"So, you and Lavi, huh?" he asked, getting straight to the point.

"That's not it," Lenalee defended. It was technically the truth, but what weighed more on Lenalee's mind was why she felt as if it mattered for her to get that point across to Allen.

"I'm not surprised," Allen said, continuing as if she hadn't spoken at all.

"You're not?" she asked, surprised that he wasn't shocked in the least.

"Nah," he replied, the smile dropping off of his face. "When we were dating, I noticed the way he looked at you. I knew that he had feelings for you."

"Oh." Now she felt stupid and unobservant.

"I missed you while I was gone," he told her, fixing his gaze on her.

"You did?" Lenalee asked, her heart sinking. Suddenly, she was overcome with the need to leave before he said anything else. Something primal was screaming at her to stop him from speaking, warning her that if she didn't things would become irreversibly complicated.

"Yeah," he continued before she could stop him. "I really wish you had been there with me, even for a little while. I wanted to see you when I came back. I came to find you right away."

Lenalee was having a strange out-of-body experience. The ability to speak, move, and respond left her, and all she could do was stare at him blankly.

"Have you already moved on?" he asked softly.

Lenalee blinked at him. "I…" she faltered.

"Do you still have feelings left for me?"

"Why are you doing this?" she asked in response to his question, her chest tightening uncomfortably.

"I need to know if I've lost my chance with you. I know it may not be right or fair, but… I need to know."

'_NO!'_ Every fiber in Lenalee's being was screaming this one word, and she really wished Allen had not brought up that he still had lingering feelings for her. This strong reaction allowed her to get a hold of her tongue once more and allowed her to find the words she needed to say. "You're right. It's not fair of you."

Allen's face fell at her harsh words.

"We made a clean break. We both agreed. And now you're trying to come back into my life … to tell me you still love me. You _cannot_ do this to me. Not again." She whispered the last two words, knowing that she looked and sounded as confused as she felt.

"I'm admitting that I was wrong, Lenalee. I made a mistake by not trying harder to make things work out. And nothing would make me happier than you telling me that I still have a chance. But… if you've completely moved on, then I'll have no choice but to understand." He paused to look at her. When she made no response, he continued. "And you need to consider the fact that Lavi and I aren't that different. He's just as transient as I am. It's required of him as a Bookman, and if you're going to be with someone like that, I'd prefer it if you were with me."

Lenalee was dumbfounded. She had never thought about Lavi being nomadic in nature like Allen, but Allen was correct in his analysis. The war was over; the only reason Lavi remained at Headquarters was to ensure the return of his health. He had to be getting close to that point, which meant that he'd be moving on soon. Something about the thought of Lavi leaving Headquarters sent a sharp pang through her heart.

"I'll take my leave now," Allen said, excusing himself. "Just keep an open mind… If you have any shred of fondness for me left in your heart, please don't discount it." Leaning down, he kissed her lightly on the forehead before turning his back on her. "Please let me know when you've made your decision."

After Allen left the room, Lenalee felt her artificial calm shatter. Her whole body crumpled, and she buried her head in her hands. The contact of Allen's lips against her skin sent a warm tingle down her spine. Even now, she could still feel the electricity left by his touch humming on the surface of her skin. He still had an affect on her. Part of her still wanted him…

"You cannot do this," she whispered, addressing an Allen that was no longer there. "You cannot come back and mess up… everything. I thought… I had gotten rid of any feelings I had left for you…"

Her mind protested how unfair Allen had been, and she scolded herself for not cutting him off earlier, as her sixth sense had warned her to do.

'_You have nobody to blame but yourself,' _her mind told her. '_If only you were emotionally stronger, this would have never happened.'_

Even as she tried to thwart her negative thoughts, she knew they was accurate.

"Allen… Lavi…" she whispered. "What should I do?" No matter what her decision was; someone would get hurt. And the worst thing was that she didn't even know what she wanted. Her confusion caused misery to crescendo leaving her with nothing but her own muddled thoughts.

**TBC**

I really enjoyed writing parts of this chapter and really struggled with other parts…

As always thoughts, concrit, and encouragement are welcome.


	14. Chapter 14

Lalala~ I think I got a little motivation in the last few days to try to finish this up again. Soooo, here goes...

**Chapter 14: Affection**

Left alone in the common room, Lenalee found her mind returning to the two suitors seeking her hand.

'_Allen…'_ Her heart tugged at the thought of him - Allen with his wise eyes and the smile that never quite crinkled those slate-blue eyes. She had always wanted to heal the damage Allen's traumatic childhood had placed on him. Their time apart hadn't changed that. The realization startled her. However, the real question was whether or not their time apart had caused her feelings to change. She wasn't sure. When she had heard his voice upon his return, it had still caused gooseflesh to rise. His touch still evoked the feeling of excitement. His month spent in Belgium had not dulled her memory of the bond they had shared. But, the time that had passed hadn't been long enough to push the bad memories out of her mind. The loneliness she had felt during certain times of their relationship still caused a bitter taste to rise in the back of her throat, and she knew it was something she didn't want to relive.

He promised that things would be different this time. But… he had made promises before. Her faith in him wavered. However, she couldn't deny the fact that she still felt something for him. Her reaction at his voice made that painfully clear.

'_If you have any shred of fondness left in your heart for me… please don't discount it._' Allen's words returned to her. How could she discount those feelings? The answer was simple. She couldn't.

And then, there was Lavi – Lavi who was so kind and good and patient; Lavi who always made her smile; Lavi who had been her support, her rock, and her pillar for the past few months. However, she hadn't had sufficient time to explore her true feelings for him. As much as she loved his company, she still wasn't completely sure if she saw him as anything other than a close friend. Before she could even think about trying to make a decision between Allen and Lavi, she needed to make sure.

What she needed was more time, but time was the one luxury she wasn't afforded. And then, there was something else that weighed heavily on her mind - Allen's comment about Lavi being a Bookman and the transient nature of that particular profession. The unhappiness she felt about that possibility rippled through her system. The last thing she wanted to do was become attached to someone who would have no choice but to leave her.

Thoughts of Lavi and Allen swirled in her head in a dizzying, confusing manner, leaving Lenalee no other option but to sit in silence in order to let her turbulent thoughts settle down. Slowly, she inhaled and exhaled, coaching her breathing to give her a false sense of control.

Eventually, the feeling of numbness and stupor began to fade, and her head cleared. It wasn't that she wasn't still confused; it was more that she felt as if she needed to take some sort of action. Her first thought was that she needed to find Lavi. It would be unfair if she didn't let him know what was going on.

Slowly, she worked her way down towards the room Bookman and Lavi shared. As she neared the door, she could hear voices on the other side. She approached the room cautiously, unsure whether or not to interrupt or to leave.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she stood outside of the room and strained her ears to catch what she could of the conversation. Bookman's voice was so soft that she couldn't make out any of the words he was saying. However, Lavi was just the opposite of his predecessor, his heated voice carried clearly into the hallway.

"That's not it! It's not like that!" She heard Lavi exclaim.

There was a lull in the conversation as Bookman spoke, his words nothing more than garbled noise from Lenalee's position in the hallway.

"I'm not getting confused as to what my goal is!" Lavi sounded so passionate and so insistent that Lenalee was a bit surprised.

There was another pause.

"I know that! I am objective!"

Bookman was answering, in his calm manner. And it was at this time, Lenalee began to wonder what they were discussing. She contemplated leaving and coming back to find Lavi later, as it seemed like the conversation would last a while. However, Lavi's next statement froze her in mid-action from turning around.

"I'm not getting attached to her!"

Her eyes widened as she realized that she was the focus of their conversation. His next words made her wish that she had either knocked or ran away earlier.

"I _am _telling the truth." He paused as Bookman interjected with a comment, and then continued on his tirade. "It doesn't matter if you don't believe me. We've talked about it all before, so it's useless to discuss this any further. I'm leaving!"

The door burst open in front of her, and she found herself face to face with a surprised looking Lavi.

"Lenalee?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

Lenalee could read between the lines. He was wondering how much of his conversation with Bookman she had overheard. Instead of focusing on his intention, she answered his question. "I came to find you," she replied, feeling a bit awkward. "I need to talk to you."

"I figured as much," Lavi said giving a glance back at the door shut behind him. "Let's go to your room."

Before she could respond, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down the hallway towards her room.

Once they arrived at her room and the door was shut firmly behind her, Lavi finally relaxed and let go of her hand.

Awkwardness settled in the room as Lenalee and Lavi stared at each other in silence. It was the first time she hadn't felt at ease with him, and her heart twisted painfully at the realization.

Finally, she couldn't take it any more and broke the silence. "So… what did I almost walk in on?" she asked, referring to his conversation with Bookman.

Lavi looked away, his features smooth and emotionless.

"Lavi, talk to me," she beseeched.

He was unresponsive to her plea.

"Were you talking about me?" she ventured.

His gaze darkened.

Unable to help herself, she reached out for him. When her fingers made contact with his arm, he jerked away.

"It was nothing," he mumbled, the expression on his face closed off.

"Lavi, you should be honest with me. Are you getting into trouble because of me? You know I wouldn't want that."

"Don't worry about it. I'm taking care of it."

"Tell me about being a Bookman," she found herself saying. The demand slipped out without any forethought on her part, and she was surprised at herself. Allen's statements about how Bookmen were nomadic by nature must have bothered her more than she realized.

He looked at her, brows furrowed questioningly.

"I'm not trying to change the subject. But… I want to understand you more. I… need to…"

"I can't tell you about that," he said immediately, cutting her off.

Lenalee's face fell.

"I just can't discuss that information, not even with you." His voice softened in tone. "Why are you so curious all of a sudden?"

"The conversation I overheard… and something Allen said." She paused. "Is it bad that you have feelings for me, since you're a Bookman?"

Lavi gave her a wry smile. "It's not optimal for objectivity. But, if I must be honest, it has been a while since I've been objective with regards to you."

Lenalee shot him a questioning look.

He said three words that cleared up her confusion. "Level three Akuma."

Her memories were brought back to her battle at sea. She had heard from Miranda how insistent Lavi had been about going after her and how he had disregarded all concerns for his own health.

'_That long?'_ she thought. '_You've had feelings for me for that long?'_

Lavi continued to speak, turning a bit contemplative, as if trying to clarify things both to her and to himself. "I guess that was the moment I became aware of my feelings…"

Gathering her bearings, she decided to change the direction of their conversation. "Look, Lavi. I was just wondering if you're going to leave Headquarters soon. If… your duty as Bookman would cause you to leave."

His eyes widened. "Is that what you're afraid of?"

"Allen brought up that it could be a possibility," she admitted. Her lips sobered, and her eyes darkened. "He wants me back." She said the last statement quietly, her eyes focused on Lavi, trying to get a feel for his reaction.

Lavi inhaled sharply. "I knew it," he hissed.

"I thought he had a good point," Lenalee said sadly, the corners of her mouth drooping.

A pained expression crossed Lavi's face at her statement. "I'm trying!" he finally burst out. "I'm trying so hard to stay here with you."

Lenalee was taken aback by the emotion in his voice.

He hesitated, his brows furrowed in thought. "I'll tell you something about being a Bookman. We travel a lot in our youth… to learn how to be emotionally detached. But eventually, we do get a more permanent post. In old age, we return to the central location to train a younger Bookman, and then go back to our original nomadic ways. I'm trying hard to get stationed here for good."

Lenalee had no idea that Lavi was going through such trials and that he was working so diligently to stay here with her. The truth dawned on her. "And that's where Bookman is having problems," she breathed.

"Yeah," Lavi said, scratching his head. "He thinks… that my objectivity is in question. But my point is that not all Bookmen can be Exorcists. I'm the only one who can be stationed here."

"Oh," Lenalee said. "So… you think you'll be able to stay?"

"I think I have a good shot…" He then focused his gaze on her. "If I have a reason to stay."

Lenalee felt her heart drop down to her stomach at his loaded statement. "Are you giving me an ultimatum?" she asked incredulously.

"I don't want to stick around watching you with Allen, especially when I think you should be with me."

"You were a great friend before—" she started.

"I don't think I can go back…" He touched her cheek gently, almost reverently. "I just don't think I can accept you and him… not any more. Not after we've gotten so close…"

She couldn't help but pressing her cheek against his fingers, relishing in the warmth of his touch.

"But if it makes you feel better, I knew this day would come."

"What?" she asked, her attention snapping back to their conversation.

"I knew he'd come back for you. I could tell when you described the breakup. However, I was hoping to have won you over by the time he realized he wanted you back." He flashed her a brilliant smile.

Lenalee digested his words with closed eyes and a tired sigh. "How am I going to choose? How can I hurt either of you?"

At her words, Lavi pulled her in for an unexpected hug.

Lenalee's eyes widened slightly in surprise before she relaxed in Lavi's embrace. His warmth flowed into her, shrouding her in a hazy, golden halo and giving her much needed comfort.

"I would love it if you chose me," he whispered in her ear, his voice low and thick.

The feel of his breath against her ear caused a shudder to run through her body. Turning her face upwards to look at him, she felt a spell of dizziness overwhelm her. Gazing at him from such a close proximity caused her to be so _aware_ of his presence – the look on his face as he gazed lovingly at her, the feel of his arms circled around her waist, the scent of the soap and shampoo he used. She was being drawn into him, into a heated world of the two of them gazing at one another.

She studied his face – the curve of his cheek, the cut of his jaw, the slope of his nose – and took it all in, as if she wanted to memorize the image of him as he shared this moment with her.

He spoke, and she found her focus redirecting to his mouth. She had never realized how captivating his mouth was, the playful curve of his lower lip and the fine indent in his upper lip.

"I'm going to kiss you now," he was saying with those lips of his.

Numbly, she found herself nodding her head, unable to do anything else. She couldn't find her voice at all.

Her eyes slid shut as his mouth descended on hers. When their lips met, she felt a jolt of electricity run through her. The attraction between the two of them was undeniable, and she couldn't believe that she ever doubted its existence. Sweetness rushed to her senses as she returned his kiss, her arms around him tightening. A thrill ran though her body when his tongue touched hers. Warmth rushed through her system, and her heart was beating so quickly in her chest that she thought it would burst at any moment. She was melting and falling at the same time.

She was only vaguely aware that Lavi's hands were moving against her body, away from her waist, up her back, across her shoulders. He was caressing her hair with smooth strokes, and then his hands brushed her throat. Everywhere he touched burned like wildfire and left her wanting more.

And at the moment Lenalee thought that her senses were going to be overwhelmed… He pulled away.

Her stomach was twisted in knots. Her lips were quivering. And her knees were shaking. "Oh my goodness," Lenalee whispered, hearing the tremor in her voice.

Lavi gave her a crooked smile, his breath heavy and his visible eye sparkling.

And then Lenalee's knees gave out. As she sank to the floor, Lavi supported her, lowering himself to the floor as well. For a moment, she just sat with his arms around her. Both of them were taking their time to return to normal after the sensational rush of the physical closeness.

"I just wanted to kiss you for real before you made your decision. I… wanted you to know how I feel about you, and that was the best way I thought I could express it…"

Lenalee sat, dumbfounded as Lavi got up to leave. Instinctively, she reached out a hand to stop him, her fingers closing around the cuff of his sleeve.

He turned towards her and disengaged himself from her grasp. "You need time to think," he said, giving her a gentle smile. "I'll see you later." With that he left her room shutting her door behind him, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

**TBC**  
You know, there are times when I read and edit and I can't tell whether what I've written is good or not? XD;;; I think this is just one of those chapters... .

On a random note, I really like speculating about the Bookman clan and how it operates. I find it very mysterious. (I always assumed that there were a whole bunch of them working at different places to share histories of all sorts of different places... *wonders*)

One more chapter to go. The last one. Those are the hardest to get right. OTZ


	15. Chapter 15

Soo... *deep breath in and out* This is it, the end. I wanted to send out a big thank you to my beta (who has only watched the anime, doesn't follow the fandom, and probably won't even see this XD;;). Her support, encouragement, and watchful eyes have really helped me through this process.

**Chapter 15: At Peace**

After Lavi left, Lenalee sat alone in her room, pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging them tightly against her. The blood that had rushed to her face and neck receded with time, and her heart beat returned to its normal pace. However, that did not mean that she was any less confused at the situation she was in. How could she have feelings for two different men? It didn't make sense. Love wasn't supposed to be this complicated. She never imagined that love could be this difficult.

At that moment, she felt impossibly young and naïve. Setting her head against the wall behind her, she stared at the blank ceiling of her bedroom hoping it would give her some sort of sign. Only silence answered her plea, seeming to mock her indecision.

Her eyes slid shut as she attempted to sort through her emotions. Allen, Lavi… Lavi, Allen. They were so different. How could she be in love with both of them?

Forcing herself to mentally back away from the situation, Lenalee tried to stop thinking about the impossibility of her position, because such a mindset provided her no benefit. The fact of the matter was that she was in love with two men and that she would need to choose one of them. However, attempting to tackle the problem from a logical standpoint wasn't helping. It was as if she was trying to solve an equation with too many defined variables. Nothing was working out, because it just simply couldn't. With that realization, panic started overwhelming her, and she put her head in her hands. Emotional overload. No two words better expressed what she was feeling.

She wondered how much time Lavi and Allen would give her as a grace period. Although she knew that dragging out the decision process was unfair to both men, she needed sufficient time to think… But before she could consider both of them, she had to clear her mind. Without soothing her frazzled emotional state, she knew she would never be in the right mindset to work through the situation. What could she do to accomplish such a feat?

Maybe she would go see Kanda. He had always had a calming affect on her. She paused on her way out the door, frowning at a sudden realization. Wasn't going to others what ultimately led to her troubles in the first place? She had gone to Lavi for advice about Allen…

Shaking her head, she cleared it of such silly and superfluous thoughts. She was just being paranoid. Kanda's stoic demeanor was just what she needed. With Kanda she didn't even have to talk, and he wasn't the type to pry. So, she headed out to find her oldest friend from the Order.

Half an hour later, Lenalee was sitting in a training room with Kanda enjoying tea in silence. Although he could probably tell that her emotional state was at unease, he never said a word about it. She knew he wouldn't ask, and she appreciated his respect for her privacy.

Luckily for Lenalee, the earthy taste of the tea and silence in the presence of company was exactly what she needed. With the sudden complications in her personal life, it was nice to take a time out. After the tea was gone and both she and Kanda were ready to head back to their own room, her friend offered one statement of reassurance as they parted ways. "You'll figure it out."

Ducking her head, she gave him a brave smile to thank him for his understated support but said nothing. She knew he wasn't looking for a vocal answer. He was expecting her to take his words, and well, as he put it, "figure it out." And she would, too, after she gave her mind and body some much needed rest.

Although she was emotionally and mentally exhausted, Lenalee found that sleep didn't come easily for her. Drifting in and out of slumber seemed to be a pattern for her tonight. Every time her mind found rest, unease would creep into her subconscious system and cause her to wake in a cold sweat.

After a few frustrating cycles of falling asleep only to awaken feeling panicked and anxious, Lenalee gave up on the idea of rest and decided to start working through her thoughts and emotions. Soon, she found herself returning to old thought habits, specifically about her own confusion and the seeming impossibility of her situation. Before long, frustration welled up inside her, threatening to bubble out of her being. She wasn't sure what she wanted, but she was sure that no matter what her decision was, it would cause her to lose someone. Lavi had made that perfectly clear during the day. And there had been something in Allen's sad smile that gave her the impression that he wouldn't be able to accept her and Lavi.

She found herself latching onto the image of the pale, white-haired, young man. There really were a lot of great things about Allen, but she still felt a little nervous. Would he really be able to shirk his compulsion to travel for his job? Would he expect her to leave Headquarters? She couldn't do that. She hadn't been able to commit to that the first time he had asked, and she couldn't do it now.

How could she leave her brother and her comrades? At the thought of "comrades" the first thing she envisioned was Lavi's smiling face.

Shock coursed through her body at her reaction to the word "comrade." When had Lavi become such a big part of her life? Had he been part of the reason she hadn't wanted to leave Headquarters originally?

Looking back, she tried to think of her state of mind then. At that point, she had been desperate for Allen's attention… and she had been relying on Lavi's kindness as a crutch. She found herself focusing on Lavi - on how she had really enjoyed spending time with him discussing philosophies on life as well as opinions on the novels they read, and on all of the support he had provided her during her time of need. She had really depended on Lavi at that time. He had always been a constant in her life, someone to provide the feeling of safety and stability. And it was something she had always needed (although she hadn't been aware of that until after she and Allen had starting dating).

Had Lavi known that? Had he figured out exactly what she had needed before she knew it herself? Had they always been on the same wavelength? Or was this just Lavi trying to be what she needed, because he really loved her that much?

No matter which scenario of her preceding guesses was true, all reflected well on the red-headed young man, and she found herself focusing on Lavi, truly considering all of him, for the first time. He really had always been there for her… had always been what she needed. Warmth rushed through her at the realization. Had she really taken Lavi's presence for granted for that many years? She was shocked at herself, and she felt self-disgust pool in the bottom of her stomach. How could she not have realized something this important until now? Maybe it had always been on her mind but only in the background, out-shadowed by her fixation on Allen.

Now, in her reflective mood, she wondered what the past few years would have been like if Lavi hadn't been a steady friend. She simply couldn't imagine not having him there for her. The realization left her cold. Again, she wondered how she could have overlooked Lavi for so many years. In retrospect, it was easy to see that he had always been important to her, and she was sure that he had been part of the reason she had wanted to stay at Headquarters.

Although she had hated it when Allen was away while they were dating, she couldn't fathom the idea of not having Lavi near her. In the past, Lavi had shown nothing but steady support when she had needed it the most – during the loss of her mobility, during the time when Leverrier had been stationed at Headquarters, during her emotional struggles with respect to Allen. Earlier that day, he had made it clear that he wanted nothing more than to stay near her… Lavi was offering her his devotion, and that in itself was tempting. If she chose Lavi, she would be guaranteed security, love, and companionship. Those were all things that Lenalee needed and valued, and he truly understood that aspect of her, a fact that she appreciated.

Thinking back to the past few months, Lenalee marveled at how much she had truly enjoyed his Lavi's company. Memories as bright and as warm as sunshine flooded her senses making her realize that a special bond existed between Lavi and her. Something about the past few months – no, the past few years – was telling her that their connection couldn't be broken easily. When she thought of a future with Lavi, she didn't feel any uncertainty, which was something she knew that she would be constantly worried about if she chose Allen. In that moment, Lenalee knew exactly what had to do and exactly whom she couldn't let go of…

~*~*~*~*~

When Lenalee found Allen the next day, he was standing on a balcony overlooking the courtyard. A pang hit her heart when she saw him looking so calm and handsome with a breeze blowing through the strands of his fine, silvery hair. Although she had made her choice, she couldn't help but feel something when she saw Allen. Gathering her courage, she spoke, "I thought I'd find you here."

He turned to look at her and gave her a soft smile. However, his eyes still looked sad, like they often did. "Hi, Lenalee."

She joined him by the banister and forced her gaze to meet his.

"I guess you have something to tell me." Although he sounded just as pleasant and controlled as ever, there was something resigned in his voice.

"I guess I do," she said, slowly. She was beginning to lose her nerve.

"Go ahead, Lenalee," he told her, the smile dropping off of his face. "Tell me whatever you want to say. I'll be okay, as long as it's what you want."

Her fingers instinctively curled around the cuff of her sleeves, and she found comfort in the familiarity of her nervous habit. Allen must have seen her motions, because he grasped her hand within his and calmed the motion of her fingers.

"Just say it, please."

"I'm sorry," she managed to squeeze out, her voice a dry whisper. "I… I…" She couldn't think of the right way to get her feelings out. "I think the timing for us has passed. It's too late to go back. And Lavi—" She stopped midsentence when Allen winced at the mention of Lavi's name. In response to his reaction, warmth pooled in her eyes. She tried to keep the tears from falling, but it didn't work. Against her will, wetness spilled out of her eyes and stained her cheeks.

"Shh, don't cry, Lenalee," Allen said, releasing her hand in favor of brushing her cheeks with his fingers. He tilted her head up so that his gaze and hers met. "I told you that I'd understand if you've moved on. It's my own fault for not realizing what you were worth to me until it was too late."

Lenalee could see something shining in his eyes, too. When she reached out for him, he stepped away, as if he didn't want her to know that he was about to shed tears as well.

"Thank you for being honest with me, though," he told her, his voice beginning to waver. He was backing away from her now, slowly, taking one step at a time.

"Allen!" she cried out, reaching for him. She didn't want him to leave, not when the atmosphere between them felt so unfinished.

He shook his head, lips pursed together. "I need a moment for myself. Besides, you should go to Lavi," he suggested.

Lenalee hesitated, feeling as if she shouldn't leave him alone. "Allen," she tried again.

When his gaze met hers, she was met with a sorrow-filled, broken look on his face. "Please," he said, his voice strained. "I'll be fine. We'll talk later."

So she let Allen leave, because he looked as if he wanted to be anywhere but near her. It wounded her soul to have him looking at her with such a pained expression, especially knowing that she was the one who had put it there. She couldn't stand it and didn't want to see it. Although it was selfish of her, she decided to heed Allen's suggestion to go find Lavi.

Knowing that she couldn't show Lavi her tearstained face, she waited until she had calmed considerably before leaving the balcony. As she headed towards the room that Lavi and Bookman shared, she assuaged her guilt about Allen by telling herself that she'd see him later. He had said so himself that they'd talk again later.

However, for now, she reassured herself with Allen's words and went to find Lavi, telling herself that the red-headed young man deserved to know the truth as much as much as Allen did. When she arrived at Lavi and Bookman's room, she knocked loudly only to be met with silence. Frowning, she searched all of Lavi's other favorite spots – the cafeteria, the library, the common room – but had no luck in finding him. Brow furrowed with displeasure, she headed back to her room in disappointment… only to find Lavi sitting in front of her door.

"Yo," he said, his smile merely a ghost of his normal good-humor.

Studying his pale, shadowed face, Lenalee gathered that Lavi hadn't slept well last night either.

"I figured you'd want to talk to me sometime today."

Lenalee found herself oddly impressed that he again knew her well enough to predict her behavior. "And what made you think that?"

His smile widened. "I know you," he said with a shrug. "That's all."

Unsatisfied, Lenalee frowned at him.

He elaborated. "You're not the kind of girl who would take a long time to make this sort of decision. Although you'd want to make the right decision, you wouldn't want to drag it out. You have too much… affection and respect for both Allen and myself. Am I right?"

Lenalee was taken aback. Everything he said was the absolute truth. How did he know her so well? "You know what, you amaze me sometimes," she told him, bending down beside him.

He looked up at her through strands of crimson hair that hung in his face and gave her a devastating smile. "Is that a good thing? Did your decision go my way?"

Lenalee opened her mouth to tell him, but the words stuck in her throat. Numbly, she nodded. All of a sudden, she found herself being pulled to her feet in an enthusiastic embrace. She was vaguely aware of being spun around before being set down on the ground again.

"I thought I'd lose you," he said, burying his head in the crook of her neck. "I thought that I hadn't done enough to win you over…"

The feel of his breath, warm and soft against the nape of her neck, sent a shiver down her spine. And soon, she found herself fumbling for her key, opening the door to her room, and eagerly pulling Lavi in after her. His lips were locked on hers even before she managed to shut the door to her room to ensure them privacy…

Later that afternoon, after she and Lavi had had ample time to enjoy each other's company and to discuss things between the two of them, as well as to discuss what had happened between her and Allen earlier that day, they decided it was best find Allen to set things straight between all three of them.

However, Allen was nowhere to be found. Nobody answered the door to his room. He wasn't in the cafeteria. A nagging suspicion overcame Lenalee, and she couldn't shake the bad feeling that was developing in the pit of her stomach. Rushing to the Science Department, Lenalee desperately sought her brother. If anybody would know where Allen was, he would.

Bursting into Komui's office with Lavi in tow, Lenalee asked with a ragged breath, "Have you seen Allen?"

Komui shot his sister a confused glance. "He left a few hours ago. He said… that he had already bid goodbye to you."

Lenalee opened her mouth to contradict her brother's statement but thought better of it. No good would come from an outburst by her. So with a forced smile, she assured her brother that Allen had been telling the truth, and she and Lavi left in dumbfounded silence.

Once outside of her brother's office, Lenalee's mask of calm slipped and her emotions crumpled. As much as she hated it, she couldn't help but let the tears that had gathered in her eyes stream down her face.

'_Like master, like pupil,'_ she thought, in reference to Allen's nomadic tendencies. '_Maybe he can't help it… He can't help his learned behavior… Maybe I was a fool to ever think that I could change it…'_

Tugging Lavi close, she buried her head into his chest and sobbed noisily. Somehow (her memory was fuzzy as to the details), Lavi managed to get her back to her room, and held her as she cried for Allen – for his unannounced departure and for the overwhelming loss she felt because of it. Like always, Lavi didn't judge her. He was simply there for her understanding her pain. And, again, he was exactly what she needed.

_Afterward_

_~Two years later~_

"Miss Lena, Miss Lena!" a neighborhood youth cried, bursting into the library and waving a book at her. "It's not too late is it?"

She looked down at her watch and smiled at him. "No, Tommy, it's not too late," she told him. "But remember, you are in a library," she reminded gently, putting a finger to her lips.

"Un!" he uttered with an enthusiastic nod, skipping to the counter she was sitting behind.

"Did you enjoy the book?" she asked, stamping the cover.

"Yeah," he said. "Dad said we could come back tomorrow to get more books when we have more time."

"That's great!" she exclaimed.

"Are you going to be working tomorrow, Miss Lena?" he asked.

"Actually," she said, a smile breaking across her face. "I'm taking a vacation starting tomorrow."

"Awww," the little boy said. "Well, I'll see you when you get back!" With a wave, he turned and ran out the door.

Lenalee sighed, feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over her. She loved her job as a library assistant, a position that she had held for nearly two years, but today was her last day at work for the next couple of weeks. All that was left for her to do was to lock up. While tidying her desk, she heard the bell ring indicating another guest.

"I'm sorry," she found herself saying automatically before looking up. "We're closing up for tonight. We open up tomorrow again at 10 am."

"But you won't be here tomorrow," a familiar man's voice stated softly.

Lenalee felt the hairs on her arms and at the back of her neck stand on their ends. Although she hadn't heard this particular voice in the past two years, the pleasantly calm and slightly melancholy tone was instantly recognizable. "Allen," she whispered, looking up, a wistful smile twisting her lips. When she looked up, he was standing in front of her desk giving her a grin (even if it didn't quite light up his eyes).

"Here," Allen said, thrusting a bouquet he was cradling in his arms at her.

She accepted the flowers reflexively. "I don't know what to say," she managed to get out shaking her head.

"Read the card," he told her, his smile widening.

One word was written: "Congratulations." She read the word aloud slowly, as if trying to comprehend the concept of the word.

"When I heard the news, I knew I had to come back. I want to be here for your big day, Lenalee. Yours and Lavi's… wedding."

Lenalee surveyed his face as he acknowledged her and Lavi together and found only acceptance. Although his eyes held a slightly sad light, there was no trace of ill will. "Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful." She fumbled with her emotions. The last time she had seen Allen Walker was to tell him that there was no future for them as a couple. However, that didn't mean that they weren't on good terms, as they had exchanged many letters in the interim in which things between them were somewhat resolved. In fact, Allen had quickly become one of Lenalee's favorite pen pals. However letter correspondence was different than speaking face to face, which was becoming painfully obvious.

"Umm," she stalled. "I'm about to lock up." Reaching into a drawer, she pulled out a set of keys. "Let's go back to Headquarters together. We can… talk… there." She was hoping against hope that she didn't sound nearly as awkward as she felt, knowing deep down inside that she was failing.

"There's a bench outside, here," Allen suggested. "We could talk there. I'm sure everyone at Headquarters is buzzing with preparations right about now. Once we return, I won't have a chance to speak to you."

Allen had a point, but Lenalee was still hesitant. She just wasn't sure how she felt about being alone with Allen at a time like this.

"Please." He gave her a deep, penetrating look. "Lavi told me I could find you here."

That one statement wiped away all of Lenalee's doubts. If Lavi told Allen where to find her, it meant that Lavi wanted her to have some time alone with Allen, perhaps to really find closure. It was his gift to the two of them; she was as sure of that as she was sure she loved chocolate cake. "Alright, then," she said graciously.

Once the appropriate lights had been turned off and the doors had been locked, Lenalee found herself sitting outside with Allen in an uncomfortable silence.

Allen broke the silence first. "Are you happy, Lenalee?"

She turned to look at him to see his face turned down, his eyes trained on the hands that were resting on his knees.

"Yes," she replied immediately.

He turned his slate blue eyes to her, a look of relief in them. "Good. Then, I have no doubt you made the right choice… two years ago. You know that I want you to be happy, right?"

"I know that," she responded, putting a hand on top of his to reassure him.

His eyes then clouded over, shadowed with doubt.

"Do you have something to say?" she asked, smiling at him encouragingly. There was something about this moment that was building; the atmosphere hummed with energy and seemed to promise catharsis. However, she got the distinct feeling that now was the last chance they'd have to set things right between them. So, when he looked unsure, she urged him on. "Now would be the time to say it, to get it out in the open."

"You do know that for all the mistakes I made while we were dating, I really did love you." Although his voice was as quiet and controlled as ever, she could hear something else in his voice, an emotion that he had been trying to hide with his good-natured calmness.

She recognized that sad and uncertain quality in his voice as… guilt. At the realization, Lenalee felt as someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her. He had been feeling guilty since their break-up. So she told him what he needed to hear to help him come to terms with how their relationship ended; she told him the truth. "I know you loved me. I never doubted it."

This was it – the last of the unfinished business between them. Or was it? Anxiety rippled through her, and she was suddenly flooded with bittersweet memories and emotions. She, too, had things she needed to clear up, things that had been left unspoken for far too long. She started, her voice shaky at first, "Let me make the record clear by saying I wasn't the perfect girlfriend by far…" She gave him a weak smile and was encouraged when her statement was met with an understanding smile.

"I loved you, too, then," Lenalee continued, the words slipping out before she had a chance to think about what she was saying. "I wanted to make that clear to you. When we were dating, I was devoted to you. I don't want for you to think that I was fickle or unfaithful in any way with my emotions." After the words tumbled out of her mouth, she knew what her subconscious was directing her to clarify. She needed make sure there was no misunderstand about how she and Lavi had started dating.

Allen's eyes widened in surprise. "I never thought anything like that, Lenalee."

"Thank you," she whispered, his words setting her free. A trembling smile on her lips, she tried to bring all the loose ends together, to resolve all of their past issues. "We gave it our all, but… it just didn't work. That… us… everything dealing with _us_ happened a long time ago."

"A lot of time has passed," Allen agreed.

"And a lot of things have since changed." After she made that statement, Lenalee noticed that Allen, too, seemed lighter, as if weight had been lifted off of him. Some part of their conversation in the past five minutes had gotten through to him and seemed to take away the guilt he had been burdened with for the past two years. Lenalee felt relieved to see Allen's expression looking more serene than she could ever remember.

She paused for a moment to allow them both to reflect on things past and how the present came about. Once she saw the last trace of confusion leave Allen's eyes, she changed the subject. "How are you doing? How's work and life going?"

"Fulfilling," Allen answered immediately. "I'm happy with the work I'm doing. Helping others has always been a passion of mine, probably the strongest passion of mine." He shot her an ironic smile.

A light laugh escaped from Lenalee's lips. "I guess I can't contradict that." Another silence engulfed them, but this one, instead of being awkward, felt almost therapeutic in nature. A calm evening breeze blew, bringing with it the scent of dusk with its dewy musk. They sat in the comfortable silence for just a moment, before Lenalee spoke again. "Thank you for coming back… for wanting to be here tomorrow. I had been hoping all along that you'd be able to make it." Turning towards him, she pulled him in for a warm hug. "I appreciate the effort."

Returning her embrace, Allen whispered in her ear. "I couldn't not come back. No amount of work would keep me from celebrating your special day with you." And with that, he released her by placing a hand on either shoulder and pushing her back gently.

Lenalee's gaze met Allen's, and she felt an instant mutual understanding. "Let's go home," she suggested.

"Yes," Allen said. "Everyone's waiting for you, especially Lavi, and you shouldn't keep him waiting."

'_Yes,'_ she thought, agreeing with Allen. Silently, even as she thanked Lavi for knowing both her and Allen well enough to give them this time together, she couldn't help but thinking, '_But I'm coming back to you, Lavi.'_

With that, they stood up in unison and headed back to Headquarters together. For the first time in a long time, Lenalee felt tranquil, and she knew that Allen felt the same way.

**The End**

So... I'm kind of a sucker for LavixLena, although I do like AllenxLena, too. I just think that the former is far less represented (and I think I like it just a little bit better). (I know, it's dumb to say it now). I sort of didn't want to finish this fic at one point, because I knew I'd make some readers upset. I hope that even if she didn't end up with who you (individually) wanted, that you could see the story I was trying to set up and that it made some sense in the end. m(____)m

My views on DGM, particularly on Allen's character sort of seem to focus on the melancholy part of him. [/feels need to explain myself]

Lastly, the ending to my fic (with the wedding) really made me think about how exactly one would marry into the Bookmen clan - what rule set would allow such an event to take place. The answer I came up wasn't pleasant. Gaining freedom for one would naturally come at the price of losing freedom for another (say an offspring). So, I was of contemplating delving into my own dark speculations about how Bookmen perpetuate their clan using a future after the end of this fic as a scenario, specifically Lenalee and Lavi's future child being brought up by Bookman, and Lenalee and Lavi trying to get him back. I'm sort of putting out feelers to see if anybody would really be interested in this, as it is rather dark. ~.~ If not, then, that's cool, too. This isn't the kind of fic I'd normally write, and I guess I'm not really up to the challenge without knowing other people find the idea interesting? *is lazy*

Everyone, thanks for reading and for making it to the end!~


End file.
